Land of the Epiphany and Home of the Brave

OK...as promised. Here is the separate entry on the book Al bought me. I'm sure that many Single people (of both genders) have heard of this book...it seems to be the hot book de jour. Have you guessed yet? This book is Epiphany Central for me!

"he's just not that into you" a book by Greg Berhrendt and Liz Tuccillo - a consultant and a writer (respectively) for that hit show Sex & The City.

First off...I feel I need to tell you that there is absolutely NOTHING in this book that I didn't already know. What IS new however, is that now that I have been reminded about all of these things, and can clearly see how I have made excuses up the wazzooo for the behavior of my past boyfriends and even myself...well...I can tell you now that I will no longer be a contestant in the Mother of All Excuses Game...and really...considering how many excuses I was making for just one of my ex's (Nelson) behavior,...I may as well have called it the Family Tree of all the Excuses...everywhere from Mother to Father to Uncles, Nieces and Cousins 7 times removed!!!

So here is the thing with this book. It lists out all the excuses you can think of as to why your sweetie patootie pants isn't acting the way you think they should in the face of True Love. It breaks them down one by one and at the end of every chapter it does a re-cap and clearly says (though not in so many words) YOU DESERVE BETTER. Let's face it, love calls you, love makes you feel sexy and desired, love listens to you, love compromises with you for mutual benefit, love does not stand you up, not call and love certainly doesn't make you ever feel like you are less than fabulous.

Here's the thing. Many women don't think they deserve better. We are bombarded by images in the media, we have placed ordinary people on extraordinary pedestals because of sports or acting or musical talent (Danger-using that "musical talent" term loosely...Britney Spears?? Ahslee/Jessica Simpson??? talent clearly lacking in music..probably bursting in blow jobs though) *Ahem* I do digress. My point is this: We are told we need to look a certain way, behave a certain way and that will make us fabulous beyond belief and we will get all the pretty boys/jocks/rich dudes we want.

Whatever happened to being fabulous just the way you are? Why do we let people treat us like garbagee? (double ee intended...say it...sounds Italian doesn't it? garbagee...fancy trash that is. ) It's not just a man thing either...that is total crap. I read a young kid's blog yesterday, he's 22 and he's pining after a woman, LIVING with a woman, who is playing him for a right ass. She is in a win win situation. She has his love and affection and undying desire to win her over, and she has a guy on the side basically doing the same thing. I couldn't help myself...I was typing unsolicited advice faster than an Agony Aunt. I hope he realizes that he's super young, super fab and needs someone to appreciate this.

It takes a great deal of courage to be yourself in the face of so many outside pressures. It takes an ENORMOUS amount of inner strength to be loving to yourself and to take yourself out of a toxic situation. Think of it this way: The longest relationship you will ever have with a human being is yourself. Value that. Love that. Be nice to yourself dammit or I'll be forced to kick your ass!! Written ass kicking is a lot easier than actual physical ass kicking...and I can't afford to fly all over the globe just to kick half the people that need it...so do yourself and my bank account a favour and repeat after me:

I will honour myself and not let assholes treat me like their personal crapper.

I do think that everyone...of every gender, should read this book. I read several reviews and found the most negative comments came from men who read the book. I think they failed to see is that the authors are NOT painting every man with the same brush...they are just warning people about behavioral patterns that are particularly toxic.

What I loved about this book is that they kept reinforcing the fact that we already knew everything in the book...but the key is to IMPLEMENT it in your life. In this age of 4 BILLION self-help books, it's nice to be told "Hi - You know all this stuff...you're just not using your noggin'...now go to it".

The book simply doesn't allow you to wallow. I'm sometimes a bit of a wallower. I have decided to become ACTION CHICKY instead. I might even wear a cape!

Yes...question from the fab chickita in the back, go ahead chickita.

"Hi Kwerkie. I am in love...but my boyfriend and I sometimes fight...are you suggesting I dump him if I don't always get my way?"

Don't be silly you Fab Chickita you! Fighting sometimes happens and is natural. Treating the other person like garbagee is not. A relationship is not always going to be sunshine and lollipops. What it should never be however, it demoralizing, deflating and decrappy. Disagreeing or fighting with someone does not give you the right to make them feel like less of a person.

Now be kind to yourself. Don't put up with garbagee and above all...be brave. And if you are so inclined...wear a cape!

Cheerios for now. (Shreddies for later)