He's just too into me

Ok...so Christmas is over and I have loads of happy things, some weird things and a giant phreakin' TV to show for it all.

I also have no less than 10 text messages, 1 phone call and 2 voice mails from Magellan in the last TWO days! TWO!!! 2...that's about 48 hours people.

My brother Albert bought me a FABULOUS book that I will blog about separately from this entry. Sufficed to say that I have nearly finished said book and have used it to analyze Magellan's behavior. Conclusion: He's SOOO into me it hurts.

I hate the imbalance of it. He's SUPER into me. This should make me happy yes? Why doesn't it? It's because I'm just not sold on the idea of Magellan. He's very nice, considerate, good kisser...but he smokes, he is needy and he doesn't believe in going to fancy restaurants once in a while. If he can't wear jeans and t-shirt...he doesn't want to go. Now that my friends, is just plain crazy talk!

I'm not sayin' that I want or indeed expect to be taken to such places as Gotham's, or the Lions or even Aquariva. What I am saying, is that he should WANT to see me in a skirt...a sexy little number with a lonnnngggg slit perhaps. I'm nearly 6ft tall...my legs are one of my best physical assets...he really ought to want to see me show those off!

Besides that...what the hell is a matter with me??? He's nice. He's cute. He's attracted to me. He has a job he's passionate about and he seems to be a fairly genuine person.

I think I know what it is...words - specifically the lack thereof. It's not that he's not communicative...it's just that his choice of words lack flare, expression and more than 2 syllables!

I do not want to be suffering from the grass is always greener on the other side...or worse yet...the "you must be a bigger phreak than me" syndrome. If you are not familiar with this...let me explain.

Many people, though it seems to be predominant in women, think that there is something innately wrong with them. It could be physical - weight, or acne or a big nose etc, or it could be emotional - frigid or needy or angry. This can be a block and interfere when someone is trying to woo us. We think "Hey...I'm damaged in this way...and if you like me, then you must have even MORE problems/damage than me!"

I know in which ways I fear I may be damaged or phreaky etc. I recognize quite a few of them in Magellan as well. And maybe it's that, coupled with a need for words, that is making me shy away.

So here's my solution: breathe. Maybe I can just see where this goes. Maybe I can let go and just see. The problem with letting go is my fear of falling.