Monday, November 30, 2009

Breathe in Life, Breathe out Love - repeat. It's necessary

So another week has FLOWN by me and I am sitting here with my head absolutely spinning with how fast things are going right now.

I am feeling once more disconnected and I am sure this comes from feeling a bit too stretched out. My social obligations that I make for myself are suffering and then I beat myself up about it. My work obligations are too many for me to deal with and with NO support from head office I feel like I'm drowning.

I'm falling in love...and it's a harder thing than I had remembered it being before. It's long distance at the moment and I haven't seen Jordan in over a month. The promise was for him to be here this weekend but that looks like it won't happen and I am desperately trying not to let my disappointment be a BIG THING between us.

I am overwhelmed. My emotions are on such a crazy roller coaster right now that I can't tell if I'm coming or going!

Here is what occupies my spare thoughts. The fucking body scanners at the airport. The fact that we're so close to 1984 that it makes me want to buy a piece of land far far far away and be totally self sufficient. I am feeling myself slipping into hibernation mode...I am forcing myself to go out and be social because if I don't maintain what limited contacts I DO have here in Calgary I will just become a total shut in.

I am phreaking out my little chickens.

I need to figure out how to take all this information and process it so that I can be somewhat back to my Happy Kathy state. I need a break. I need to breathe in Life and breathe out Love...I need to repeat this as it's necessary to gain a bit of sanity in this tumultuous time.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Slip sliding away

WOw. So there is a LOT going on right now and I've let this slip...AGAIN. Instead of getting all bent out of shape about it I'm just going to let it be what it was.

I have been a lot more social lately but it has come at the expense of me taking some real time for ME. I am still doing the fitness quest (have had 2 workouts this week) and I am still doing some hot Yoga and my eating habits are improving. I need to really give up the social drinking though...that is the one thing I have cut back on but still haven't quite managed to do in a more reasonable moderation.

Things are ticking along for my business. I have my domain name registered and am going to be working on building up my web site before the end of Christmas break. In fact, I mean to work on it over the holidays with some people that can give me some great insights.

I am dating again! Yeah me! I am happy to report that I am definitely attracting a better quality man into my life so that is great. I'll keep you posted if anyone is worthy of note. So far the quality has been great but the quantity has been very limited and I'm unsure of the potential.

I have a crazy crush on Reggie though - he's TROUBLE! I can't help myself in the way I feel about him but at the same time I am not doing anything about it. I'm not telling him, I'm not avoiding him, I'm not trying to do anything at all about it. I am just letting this feeling wash over me every time I see him and sometimes only when I see him in my mind's eye. (this morning's day dream starred Reggie in ways that would make most people blush!).

I am trying to catch myself out when I use negative words. I am trying to be much kinder to myself and it's working! Others have noticed my new found radiance and just my overall attitude of Awesome.

Going to yoga has been bringing up a LOT of emotions. I often get overwhelmed and cry and sometimes I'm not even sure what I"m crying over. I am trying to figure it out, get it out and let it all go.

I no longer feel the need to store hurt and anger. I am making a conscious effort to breath in Life and breath out Love.

This will have to be short for now but I will write more this weekend.