Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Fuck you Plato

I'm going to just take a wild guess and assume that Plato was gay...or at the very least he teetered on the homosexual end of bisexuality.

The reason I am feeling so hostile towards the father of Platonic relationships is that clearly Plato had no women in his life who were just his friends. Not really. I speculate that IF in fact he was cordially acquainted with women, he did not consider them his equal and therefore, the friendship was likely slanted in the same matter as that of the Leaning Tower of Pisa is thought of to have a wee bit of a lilt. Furthermore, I'm guessing that in Plato's patriarchal society the idea that men and women could 'just be friends' probably seemed as natural as a Spartan farming. Oh sure it's possible, but would Octavious really get to know Portia's brain and would the Spartan's figs be hand plucked from the tree or hacked off with a sword?

I am also reminded of Billy Crystal's speech in "When Harry Met Sally" about how men and women can't just be friends and he gives a variety of reasons about sexual tension, attraction and jealousy. There is always someone who is lustful towards the other person or some such thing like that.

What I have recently encountered is that one of my treasured male platonic friends has been believing the erroneous dream that I was lusting after him. I know...seems so strange even when I type it out.

Let me give you some history here. It's true that about 2 years ago I had a crush on Leroy - he's witty and handsome and pretty much a good guy. But he was dating a friend of mine at the time so naturally I had to push my feelings aside. Then a funny thing happened. While he was still dating my friend, I found out that Leroy - who had always been very vocal about NOT wanting to have kids- had taken that belief to the ultimate extreme and underwent a vasectomy.

Now I'm not sure if I made myself completely clear about my views, desires and in fact NEED to have a family of my own. Babies have been much on my mind over the last year or so as I am acutely aware that I am in fact getting on in age and that if I want to have a child (or two??) then I need to be planning for this in the next 2-3 years if only for my own health (both mental and physical). This is such a huge issue for me, such a major 'deal breaker' that upon hearing the news that Leroy had been side line crush got totally sacked!

That is not to say that I stopped caring about Leroy altogether nor did his sudden single status change my feelings for him. In fact, in the first few months of his singleness our friendship grew closer and I came to think of him as much like one of my older brothers - though perhaps a bit more open minded than both of my brothers. Someone with whom I could discuss relationship stuffs, sex issues and work happenings with very little fear of judgment.

The funny things about knowing friends and getting closer to them, is that sometimes, just sometimes, you see their 'fatal character flaw' and accept them despite of it. Leroy's fatal flaw is any beautiful woman. Any at all. This includes needy women, psycho women, slutty women but most especially if all of these elements culminate into one 5ft7 curvy uber psycho needy slutty woman. (did I mention she's needy?)

So yes, I let him put his hand on the element of life and get burned by it (her). And then there is only so much you can take when you have to watch your friends fling themselves again and again upon the same burning element.

Now I will say this. I made a mistake. A case of mistaken identity which I take full responsibility for. However, having said that, I should have realized that when faced with a fatal flaw, it would have been better to just watch the drama unfold rather than become embroiled in it. So yes, I made a mistake. I mentioned to Leroy that this new 5ft7 curvy psycho needy slutty (single mum) woman was a gold-digging man eater who's only appetite for self preservation would be satiated upon landing a man who can keep her in the manner to which she had been dreaming of since she was a little girl. Someone who would not only take care of her every need, but also that of her infant daughter as well.

Of course, when given this information for me, who was always on the 'bro's before ho's ' train Leroy took my warning and cut her out of his life. Fine. That is until the aforementioned 5ft7 curvy psycho skanky single mum decided to give one more kick at the Leroy can. After weeks of incommunicado...Leroy gives in to the pleading (needful) requests of his latest fatal flaw.

It turns out that my advice was based on false information - a mistake - confusing one person and their comments for that of the fatal flaw. Leroy goes to great lengths to prove the innocence of the 5ft7 curvy psycho skanky single mum and decides that I am a lying conniving love-sick bitch.

Should I have just let my friend make his own mistakes? YES.
Did I make a mistake? YES
Was it an intentional lie? NO

Now...I'm a very outgoing kinda gal. I am free with my emotions which have gotten me into more trouble that I can count. I'm the first to offer a hug and even freer with compliments and in recent years I have learned to tell the people I love just that "I love you".

Now the funny thing about saying "I love you" to someone is that it's always interpreted by the person who hears it and it might not always match what the person who said it meant.

When I would say to Leroy (on more than 1 occasion and admittedly most of them involved alcohol or us having a heart to heart about life) I meant it in a platonic way. I never qualified my emotional statement, I didn't feel I had to.

Leroy had spent many nights in my bed sleeping soundly (and sometimes quite noisily) beside me and I never once so much as kissed the man! We cuddled as much as I would cuddle with any of my girlfriends or close guy friends, but it was never least I never once felt sexual tension.

The one time our lips DID meet it was HIM leaning over to kiss ME...and then drunkenly slurred a "good night Valorie" ...which was CLEARLY not me and most CERTAINLY his ex girlfriend.

Sooo....back to the topic.

I'm hurt, our friendship seems to be quite strained and I am being far too pig-headed to try to apologize AGAIN for this. I had already extended the olive branch TWICE and was rebuked with spiteful nasty emails.

So, again, Fuck You Plato. You never once had a girl who was just your friend and equal.

Though I do forgive you if only for your Army of Lovers concept...YES to gays in the military!!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Tsk Tsk Simone

This will be very brief and probably not written very well but I'm just reacting here.

I may have mentioned that Simone no longer works for the company I work for - she chose to leave us 3 days before our major festival and basically left us in the lurch - something that I thought went against her character but apparently not.

Anywayyyyy. I have recently returned from a trade show in Alberta and in going through all the items I picked up along the way I see the brochure from our competitor with Simone's smiling face on it. On the back of their one page brochure are a list of comments from their satisfied customers. I nearly fell off my chair when I read one comment from one of Simone's most decidedly 'satisfied' client - the teacher she had an extra marital affair with during her employment with my company.

Now Simone was single at the time of the affair but KNEW that the teacher was married and ACTIVELY pursued this teacher. I find it amusing now that the teacher still books with her...I wonder if they still carry on their affair and if that is part of the booking privileges with her new company. I can see the slogan now "ET&T - our agents will sleep with you to get the booking!" Is this only limited to men or does their loosely hinged moral door swing both ways?

Is the teacher too afraid to NOT book with her now? What would the consequences be for him? Would she tell his wife how she stole over to Victoria for a clandestine evening on wine, jazz and illicit behaviour? How about the time he; under the guise of a teacher's workshop, came over to the mainland and Simone called in sick to spend th day with him? Is his booking with her mean he's succumbing to some sort of extortion? Was there a whispered conversation between them wherein Simone hissed "Book with ET&T or I'll air your dirty laundry to your wife, your school and your kids!"

Am I too precariously perched on my moral high horse? I guess only if you consider the commitment between 2 people who are married to be frivolous and inconsequential. Tsk Tsk Simone - shame on you.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I'm speechless...

Check THIS site out. I think I am inspired!

I am considering signing up for Burlesque Dance lessons....they are $350.00 and it's only 8 classes...but I get a costume and a show and hair and make up lessons with it. I am *thinking* about it but it does seem cost prohibitive.

I am also thinking about my next hair do - I might get a fringe again...I'd like to be a 40's pin up girl.

My stomach hurts - I had a salad with beef strips in it (well cooked) but somehow my tummy is protesting. *sigh*

Gym day tomorrow and I am happy about that.

Sooo disconnected in my thoughts tonight.

Monday, August 27, 2007


That's right...I've finally said it. I have been neglecting The Single Files mostly because it has felt like a great big phreakin' giant albatross.

Time to suck it up.

My dating life in the last 4 months has totally sucked but I think it's because I wasn't expecting anything great from it. I have recently learned that DO get back what you put into things.

I have made a conscious decision to start making POSITIVE things happen in all areas of my life. This means trying to make some time every night to blog - and it doesn't have to be about dating...I think that was a huge part of me not writing anything...I felt obliged to write only about love/dating related topics. Screw that...I can write what I want to! There are no more rules.

Having said that, I will try to maintain well formed sentences, grammar and spelling though we all know how lazy I am with spell check. I still have no idea why my spelling is so poor when I read so much...maybe I should be writing more as well.

Today I finally got my Learner's permit so the driving will begin fairly soon. I hope to be fully in License mode by my birthday in OCT but we'll see how that goes.

Sometimes getting back to basics means starting all over - and that is a good thing. Build a good foundation and the rest of the structure will be sound as well. to bed with a good book for me.


Thursday, June 14, 2007

Mr Big Baby Boy

Blah blah blah Ted broke up with me blah blah blah he's still not deciding where his life is going blah blah blah.


Ok. So it isn't as bad as all that. Yes Ted broke up with me (well, technically my table cloth as he didn't have the balls to look me in the eye) but failed to phase me. There were some things that I just didn't think we could get past.

1) His complete lack of interests in sports. I'm not a jock, but I do love hockey and play softball and love to hike and camp and generally be outside and get dirty. Ted...not so much. He's more of a movie dude, music dude, art dude and general inside boy.

2) He's a boy. Let's not confuse this issue with gender. Sure he has a penis (and yes, that is where the initial Mr. Big came from - too big though and I'll go into that more later) but there is a difference between being a MAN at the age of 32 and being a BOY at the age of 32. Ted was most definitely a boy. I appreciate where it's important to keep childlike wonders of some things, but there must be a time when you must also recognize that at 32 you ought to be grown up.

3) Mr. Big was indeed TOO big. I know you're not really supposed to talk about the cock your with or even the details of the one you've just been with...but YIKES!!!! Length wasn't the issue...the girth of the thing made me shudder upon my first glimpse. The first time (out of 3 times) we attempted to have sex I had to be talked into it. "Babies come out of's OK" was the tag line of the night. Sure some women really get into huge cocks...but oh my goodness. There is big and then there is the 'my fingers can't touch when I try to encircle it' big. I enjoy the feeling of being "full" but this was more like being stuffed...and not in a way that actually 'fit'.

Don't let the above fool you though...I am suffering from PMS so this is probably coming off a bit harsher than I actually feel about it. I would like to share with you the funny way in which he decided to break up with me though.

The night before The Breakup we had gone to a CD release party for a friend of mine's Salsa band Tanga. The night was hot and not just with the fabulous music...the place was SWELTERING and we had some Salsa Dance lessons plus were just dancing to the music on our own too. It was then that he brought up my impending trip to Cuba.

Because Ted had been very affectionate with me, bought me a small and thoughtful gift earlier in the night and treated me to a very yummy dinner I thought this was his way of bringingn it up to invite himself along on my trip. So naturally I laid out my travel plans and invited him along. He seemed fairly enthusiastic and said he'd look into making that happen.

The night progressed and I did mention to him that I was worried about asking him to Cuba as it does seem a bit forward at this early stage of our dating. He replied with "You can't get rid of me that easily" - remember this's important later.

Sooo. The night comes to a close and I decide I want to go home (I never could relax and actually SLEEP while Ted was in my bed...or when I was in sleep was to be had). He tells me he was going out with 'the guys' on Friday (which I thought was odd cuz he hardly has any guy friends from what he told me) and I was happy he was doing that so that I could have a much needed ME night. We confirmed our date for Saturday and then we both went to our respective homes.

The next day was Friday and it was SOOO GORGEOUS outside that I decided to screw having a ME night and instead go out with the girls from work and Fi and just enjoy the sun with some bevvies. At around 7:30PM I get a call from Ted asking "where are you??"

I laughed and said I was out and why wasn't he out with the guys? He said that his guy night was postponed and wondered what time I was going to be home. I was not wanting to go home too early...I was having girly time and didn't want to end it prematurely to see him - after all I saw him the night before and was planning on seeing him the night after. I told him I could be home between 9:30 -10PM and he asked if he could call me then. I gave my consent and went back to chatting with Fi.

At 9:30PM Fi drives me home and asks if she could come up to check her emails. Why not? So we drive around but there is no place to park. Fi said that she'd give it a miss and just go home. No biggie. I go up to my apartment, go to the bathroom, turn my computer on and then write out my rent check. I get some laundry together and am about to head down to throw a load in the machine when my buzzer rings. I have been home MAYBE 6 minutes. I naturally think it's Fi who has found a spot and will come up to check her emails after all. This was not the case.

It was Ted and he sounded desperate "Hey Kwerkie, it's Ted, let me up".


So I buzzed him up and he appears at my door all sweaty and in the EXACT SAME CLOTHES that he wore the previous night. Now was hot in the place we were in and we were both dancing and he is a very sweaty I was immediately thinking YIKES! YUCK!

He excuses his clothing by saying he didn't sleep at all the night before and has finally figured out why he hasn't been sleeping and he must talk to me immediately. I got the 'break up' vibe from him so I said "Oh no, that's ok. You'd like to break up and I'm ok with that".

But he felt that he needed to explain.

He said he wasn't sure where his life was going, he might move up north to Prince George, he doesn't know if he wants to have kids, he's only a boy, he's still very young and I"m so much older than he is" (note, I am only 6 months older than he is).

Anyway... Ted is a very nice guy there is no doubt about that. I don't know if the PG thing was a truth or a convenient excuse...the whole speech went along the 'it's not you it's me' theme but the funny thing is...I KNOW it's not me. He never once looked me in the eye to say anything except the initial "you are a really great person" part. Everything that followed was said to my new fancy green table cloth.

Was I too keen? Maybe, but there was always a level of caution for me. I wasn't the one saying things like "you'll have to help me celebrate my birthday next year", and "at Christmas you'll have to partake in (insert sundry family tradition here)." These were things that HE was saying in the first 3 weeks we were dating.

I listened to him talk and my responses were all "Ok" and "That's alright" and I didn't get upset at all nor did I counter him in any way and when he suddenly farted (yuck) and then got up to go -he hugged me sweatily and awkwardly and then tried to put his shoes on. I said "I'll walk you down, I have to pay my rent anyway."

In truth I just wanted him to suffer a tiny bit more in the awkwardness he was enveloped in because I was pretty sure he saw me come home...and that wigged me out a bit. I wasn't feeling weird about the actual breakup at all, it was simply time to end this and I was pleased he did it before I did. We get down to the lobby and he asked for one more hug which I granted him.

Then I started to giggle.

Ted: "Why are you laughing?" He seemed horrified!

I just couldn't help myself - I told him the truth!

Kwekie "Umm (giggle) I"m laughing because yesterday when I told you that I was worried about asking you to Cuba because you might have thought I was planning too far ahead (giggle) and you said that you didn't think that and that I couldn't get rid of you that easily (giggle)...well...apparently I can! "

Then I laughed some more, he turned red in the face, looked a bit embarrassed and turned to leave. He then turned back and said "maybe in a few months if you felt like calling...." to which I quickly interrupted him and said "No, that won't be happening, but you take good care."

I wasn't sarcastic and I was trying to be kind to him as he was clearly going through a rough time. What bothered me the MOST about the whole thing was this tiny fact that the astute reader may or may not have picked up on.

Ted called me at 7 30PM asking where I was because...he was actually calling from a PAY PHONE located 3 blocks from my house. He had been in my neighbourhood waiting for me to come home since 5pm. This is why he knew to buzz me so quickly after I got home...he was down the block and SAW me come home. The guy waited approximately FIVE HOURS outside my door to break up with me. Stalkerish and very creepy.

Ah well...moving on.


Monday, May 21, 2007

My very own Mr. Big

So yes...all was quiet on the Kwerkie front for a while and that is because I was keeping Mr. Big on the down low for a while. I wanted to be sure that I wasn't just spouting off about another one of my short term dating dudes and thought better to introduce you to him once I was sure that things would be more than just 2 weeks or so.

Mr Big is not the same Mr. Big as one might expect from the popular show "Sex & The City". My Mr. Big has his name from his Big Heart, his Big Brain, his Big Frame (6ft 2 and body of a Rugby player) and mostly because of his Big Sense of Humour! Still, I can't keep calling him Mr. Big...I shall name him Ted.

Ted is totally different from 90% of the guys I've dated. Firstly, he's 6 months younger than I am and I do tend to date older men. Secondly, he's never been married, no kids and lately I had been dating guys who were either separated/divorced and who had kids. Thirdly, he's not a sporty guy but more of a culture guy and he knows more about various movies and music than dare I even say...Malcolm the Eye Guy!!! (and that is a hard act to follow in that regard).

After a few weeks of off and on seeing each other due to both our seriously hectic schedules, I wasn't too sure if Ted was actually into me. At the beginning of our dating he said a few things that were very 'futuristic' in that he was talking about us being together for a long haul which both excited me and made me a bit nervous. Then he seemed to really pull back and be more cavalier. On Friday when we had a much over due date after over a week of not seeing each other, we had a nice heart to heart about 'us'. I am not a once a week girlfriend. I like to get to know the guy I'm dating and I find that hard to do with only 1 out of 7 days to do that in. We agreed to begin the sharing parts of our lives - opening up the windows of our social circles to each other and see how things go from there.

So the beginning of that was a Games Night over at Russ's place just the previous Saturday. It went much better than I had hoped though I was aware of being a bit goofier and louder than perhaps normal (perhaps). At the Games Night was Russ and April (Russ's Girlfriend), Rhia and her boyfriend Ben and Rhia's daughter Kerry, Angela and Monique. I have a LOT of time for these people and they are what I would call 'my keepers' plus they are the most calm/normal of my friends so it was a natural choice to introduce Ted to these folks. (I admit I don't know Angela well and am, in fact, scared of her...but the rest are awesome).

The night was fun and light hearted and even seeing how Ted made sure to include Kerry in the conversations endeared him to me even more. He seemed to gel very well with my friends and even won the cut throat game of Pictionary that we played. After the game we had a great time chit chatting. Ted told great stories and was quick with witty comments here and there. After the games and stories were over Monique gave Ted and I a ride back to Ted's place where I spent the night.

After a short game of Lego-star wars we went to bed and chatted and cuddled and it was lovely. Yes, we've had sex in the past, but it wasn't on the menu on Sat night mostly due to my cramps and his head ache. It was just nice to cuddle and be quiet with each other. I'm actually going to be shy on the details of our sex life mostly because I like this guy...and have been feeling like the things I have already shared with my girlfriends have somehow betrayed him so I will keep the very private things private unless asking for advice.

I'll try to keep you posted on how things are going...but for now I will leave you with this. I am dating a very nice guy and I am feeling very good about the potential for Big Things. Even if this ends in friendship, I am already ahead of the game here - Ted is simply someone who is genuine, caring and I always feel good in his very presence.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Let's play ball!

So Softball season is upon us and I have indeed joined 2 teams. I am only slightly concerned about my 2nd team as they are sooo farrrrr away and I am sans vehicle in which to travel to/from the games. However, I am fairly confident that if the games are in the afternoon (and 90% of them are) then I will have plenty of time on a Sunday to get out there.

Also, if I ask nicely, I may even be able to hook up with a fellow player somewhere along a skytrain or other handy transit route. I am bound and determined to make both teams happen for me as I really like being outside AND...I really like softball.

I should probably thank the Nasty Anonymous poster for bringing The Single Files once more to the surface - though I'm not feeling *too* generous as the comments were pretty crappy. Here's hoping she stayed around for the geography lesson.

In other news, one of my monkeys had his 2nd birthday on Friday. Alexander was such a happy little boy -he knew it was his party and he was so sociable, I was so impressed. Also impressive was that I was there all day amongst many toddlers/babies including a 6 week old new born and I was fine! I didn't melt down or cry or anything of that sort. I was perfectly happy cuddling and playing and just hanging with the little peeps. It was tres cool.

I made it out to the Girly Luncheon on Friday as well and saw a few of my keepers and survived the rest of the pollen. I have to really thank Sheilagh for that saying - too phreaking funny. People whom I am not that close with are like pollen, I don't have a problem with them per se, but they make some other people rather uncomfortable. mwahwhahha. Pollen. *chuckle* to yoga! More soon!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

In the Public Eye Ayeyayaye!

One last kick at the Kwerkie eh Anonymous? So brave of you to come out of hiding and identify yourself - way to have a backbone there. I guess you must feel fairly clever despite being cowardly.

Sure, I'll keep your recent comments - why not? If you are the same Anonymous from the past 2 nasty comments (and I believe you are) then I guess this just further exposes you as a small and petty person.

I'm also curious about your comment "exposed as a fraud". I'd like to see how - have you bothered to READ the disclaimer? I'm guessing in all your fervent attempt to find nasty things to say about my posts you may have missed it. This is just one more example of you going off half cocked without doing the proper research.

Thank you for the spelling correction though - Reggaeton - I'll change that soon. Spelling is most certainly not my forte and I have been lazy with the spell checker.

And while we're on the subject of Reggaeton, here is yet another indication of your own ignorance. So, your education continues today with a lesson about LATIN AMERICA.

LATIN AMERICA refers to any countries within the Americas (North, South and - gasp- CENTRAL) where those languages derived from Latin, predominantly Spanish and Portuguese, but strictly also French — are officially or primarily spoken. Latin America is distinct from Anglo-America, a region of the Americas where English predominates.

And just to clear up any confusion -here is the definition of Reggaeton: Reggaeton blends Jamaican music influences of reggae and dancehall with those of Latin America, such as bomba and plena, as well as that of hip hop. (there's more to it but you get the point I'm making here).

I would hardly call wanting to delete negative and rather meaningless comments a Bushism -you are entitled to your opinion and this blog is hardly anything more significant than my own entertainment so why can't I limit it to only positive comments and other items? No one needs to read your negative tripe any more than they need to read my postings - but I'd like to keep it as happy a place as possible and clearly your sort of comments/behaviors don't fit in with a happy and fun place.

Hopefully you haven't moved on so quickly that you can't take some of this with you.
Best wishes to you Nasty Anonymous.

P.S. - nice IP address

Walking papers delivered.

I did leave a comment in the previous post - a retort if you will to yet another "Anonymous" post but I thought I might just make this bolder statement.

If it's so painful for you dear "Anonymous" to read my posts and to hear about my experiences in whatever form they take then let me give you this golden nugget of advice - stop reading. Wouldn't that make the most sense? If it displeases you so much, why torture yourself with it?

Perhaps what fills your life with pleasure is to be mean spirited to people behind a guise so you are never having to face the full consequences of your actions/words. Perhaps you are so petty that being spiteful is the only way you actually feel something - anything - at all. I hope that this isn't true. I hope that you have a wonderful life filled with many moments of happiness that no one ever deems it necessary to point out your flaws or judge you without full knowledge of any one given situation or spout off about topics they honestly have no clue about.

I invite you to leave dear "Anonymous" so that my blog no longer effects you in any way and you can go about your own life as peacefully as you can.

Stay if you must "Anonymous" , but I will from here on in be deleting any more noxious comments left by "Anonymous" or indeed anyone else for that matter.

There are so many positive things happening in my life in the last week or so that I have decided not to make any room at all for negativity - be that as 'small' as comments on my blog to as 'large' as removing negative people in my life.

So take your walking papers and hold you head up high "Anonymous" - I don't wish you any harm, in fact, I wish you well.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Self indulgence boots

So I recently received an anonymous posting saying...well.. that my blog was shit basically. I laughed when I read it -how typical of someone who has something unpleasant to say to hide behind anonymity.

Of COURSE this is self indulgent! My goodness...what other purpose does this serve if only to entertain ME and let ME brag or complain or do anything at all that relates to MY self. I shake my head at the ignorance of many.

Is it poorly written? meh...probably in large parts.

Stick to my day job? Absolutely. Let's review the goodness of my job right now.

1) Raise #2 for the year coming my way in T minus 3 days.

2) Now at 5 weeks PAID holidays

3) Escorting 4 groups a year including but not limited to such fabulous destinations as: Costa Rica (just got back), Germany/Austria (July), Montreal (April) and Cuba in August for reconnaissance mission and then escorting one of my groups in April 2008 to Cuba.

I haven't even finished my groups for 2007 and I already have 3 international groups on the go for 2008! Deposits in and everything! The board is so full of 2007 stuffs that I can't even put up my 08 groups yet. Ah well...all in good time.

The comment just smacks of someone who needs to criticize someone else to make themselves feel better.

So go ahead Anonymous - shit all over my blog if that's what gets you through the day. It makes no never mind to me!

Monday, March 26, 2007

The Long Dark Tea Time of my Soul

Forgive me, I've been remiss in posting. Basically my energy in the last month has been spent getting up, going to work and just getting through one very long day after another.

I remember reading the Douglas Adams "The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul" and have always loved the title but never really understood it until I have had my own Mad Hatter party in the darkest corner of my very own being.

I really struggled with the death of Taliesin - blaming myself for not looking after him properly and wondering what sort of mother does this make me?

Since then I have had long sit downs with myself and just really had some serious chats with my inner child, my inner bitch and my inner goddess. It was quite the month of chats really - sometimes all 3 of my inner people seemed to be present in one day! Don't be alarmed, no one will be calling me Cybill any time soon.

The sun is out so that is helping my mood and....SOFTBALL season is upon us!

Two teams, 1 base...ahhhh the smell of leather and dirt under my nails again...weeeee

I am toying with the idea of moving - Mount Pleasant is next on the list of places I think - it's very bohemian and I dig that a lot.

So short...but I have to get to the gym.

Next on the list...a phone call to Lady K

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

A Sad Goodbye

I have been overwhelmed as of late and I know I haven't posted - things are getting a bit too much away from me and I have needed some time to get myself together again.

It was with a very sad and heavy heart that I had to come to a heart-breaking decision to put Mr. Taliesin down.

This is the hardest thing I have done yet.

Two Sundays ago around 7PM I noticed Taliesin straining as he was trying to go pee and then he let out a heart breaking yowl and I knew what the problem was.

He had a blockage in his urethra- likely crystals that were packed up in his bladder and clogging him so that he couldn't pee at all. This happened about 6 years ago and I was able at that time, to spend the $1000.00 to get him well. Emergency surgery and 4 days of boarding at the vet's was very pricey but I was able to take out a loan and pay for the treatment.

This time, there was no way I could extend my credit on such short notice and so it was with a very heavy heart that I had to say goodbye to my furry friend of 10 years. I headed to the SPCA for when they opened.

I am heartbroken.

My friend Jordi had this to say about it which is so apropos I had to share.

It is a hard decision to make to put a treasured pet down. They are your love and companion and best friend, listener and licker of tears. They are the only one who really understands when you feel like crap and they are the one that sleeps by your side - even when they are mad at you for going out all night or away for the weekend. They are often the one you scoop up and squeeze for a little love when everything else feels dull and lifeless.

What an experience.

I can't say enough good things about the people at the BCSPCA Animal Hospital. They could barely understand me through my sobbing but were very kind and very patient.

It was tough, but I do believe it was the best decision considering the severity of the situation. By the time I got him to the Clinic, Taliesin was going into shock and was yowling and shaking uncontrollably no doubt with fear as much as septic shock.

The cost was going to come in at an unaffordable $1275.00 (including taxes) and I really just couldn't afford it. I had him examined though and was also given a 'poor mans' version which would be around $800.00 but the chances of my older cat being OK with the 'poor man's' version was not likely and the vet was very clear about that.

I had an agonizing hour when I was waiting to hear back from an insurance company whether or not they would extend my coverage/credit and cover the cost of the surgery. Alas, it was not to be.

Taliesin and I parted ways the morning of Feb 19 2007 at 10:45AM. I couldn't bear to be with him when they gave him the needle and I think that we did have a nicer goodbye between us. The last thing I wanted was to see him react to the pain of an needle and then fade away. He even gave me kisses and we held hands (in our fashion) for a while.

My heart is really hurting right now, but they did make it as easy as possible on me.

My apartment is suddenly very large. He had a huge personality and was a really chatty sort of cat - he loved to tell me all about his days of lazing in the sunny spots, sleeping curled up on my pillow, chasing spiders (sometimes real ones, most of the times invisible ones) and he had to tell me every detail of every dream he ever had or could hope to have.

He was my early weather warning system - giving me 2hours of 'heads up' notice for the earthquake back in 1997 and every severe wind storm we've had this year.

Taliesin had a funny habit of doing Gopher Impersonations. I also called it the "If You're Happy And You Know It Clap Your Paws" dance. He would raise up on his hind legs and then pat his two front paws together. He often did this in front of a mirror and checked himself out in a nice side view the whole time. He did this for 10 years and it always, always made me smile and giggle and laugh...every time for 10 years.

He was a wonderful companion and a great comfort and confidant. He knew all my secrets...all of them. I could tell him the ugliest dirtiest secrets and he'd look at me with his large marble eyes, purr deeply and then but heads with me - letting me know that love really is unconditional.

I miss him the most at night. I haven't been able to sleep the whole night through - I miss his snoring and not-so-soft puring.

Rest in peace Mr. Taliesin - I love you and miss you terribly.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Duck Duck GOOSE! I am on a Monday night coughing out my lungs. Poor lungs...they need to stay INSIDE. They like it better inside than out that's for sure.

I thought I would share a funny happening from last week. PLUS...stay tuned for the names I've chosen to TAG with the MEME.

I have put myself back up on a dating site to see if I might be able to meet a decent fellow from there and well...y'know - the usual story. I have had quite a few guys email me and I'm weeding out the ones I'm interested in vs the ones that just entertain me for their sheer stoopiditee.

I have had 2 guys email me on the same day and one in particular was pretty good with words (you all know how important that is to me) so we've been in contact for about a week trying to plan a date. Well...The OTHER guy was also emailing me - not so good with words - but seemed fairly interesting.

I was able to make a date with Dude #2 first. TUES at the Vancouver Art Gallery. 7PM.

After a few days of prolific emailing back and forth Dude # 1 agrees to meet me for drinks TUES at a restaurant downtown from 4:45-6:00PM.


Now...before you start throwing rotten tomatoes at me - have a look at the times. YES I made 2 dates in one evening, BUT they were spaced apart and let's be honest here. A first meeting from a dating site is not typically a 4hr + event so I felt totally confident that I could pull off the Double Dipping with little to no consequences.

Dude # 2 from 4:45-6:30PM was ...meh. His personality is like Communism - looks great on paper but doesn't suit me in real life. We had a pleasant enough time and in fact had dinner at this place. He PAID for it all. Weird. I tried to pay for my portion but he wouldn't hear of it! Fine. Thank you very much Mr. Personality (or lack thereof). We walked one block together and then hugged it out without a 'let's do this again' or a 'here's my phone number'. I was totally satisfied with that. Dinner was yummy and the 2 martini's I had went STRAIGHT to my head!

I go back to my office and change into "Casual Art Chick" outfit much like superman. It was awesome. I even was able to rock out a new hair do in less than 5 mins. I applied the "Night Look" for make up and walked up to the Vancouver Art Gallery and arrived 10 mins early for my date with Dude # 1.

I pay my entrance, check my coat and chat with the concierge there warning them of my school group that will be descending on them in T minus 10 days. I then look around the lobby for Dude # 1. No sign of him. I'm not worried...he still has 5 mins to show up.

At 7:05PM I talk to Fiona (thanks baby) and advise her that I will be late for our standing Tues night American Idol msn date. I tell her about my MIA date and she goes on the site to find him....LOGGED ON! Wow. Ok.

Off I go into the Gallery and I check out the exhibits. I meet a very good looking Black Dude named Andre and we chat about some of the photographs we are looking at. The PAINT exhibit didn't do much for me so I zipped through that and then went to the top floor for the Herzog photographs - what I really went there for.

I see a guy that *kinda* looked like Dude #1 but I was sure it wasn't as how could he be logged on to the site only 10 mins before? So I just peruse the pictures myself.

I had a FABULOUS time. I'm a great date!! Plus I didn't have to have any awkward conversations about what the art meant to me etc etc.

I go home and check my POF emails...perhaps he sent me a "oh no, have to cancel" email.


And there he was...logged in.

So I send him this: (title) "Stood up? *sniff sniff*
Hi XXXXXX (protected for no other reason than I'm a nice gal)

I waited for you until about 7:10PM and then went inside the Gallery myself. It really was an amazing exhibit and I definitely recommend you check it out. Good luck with your search!

I got the big UNREAD / DELETE

I couldn't stop laughing!! I wasn't even MEAN! I mean...I could have been all bitchy about being stood up...but the truth is I had a great time walking around there on my own!


Letter this morning from Dude # 2.

Turns out that Dude # 1 and 2 are ....gasp....FRIENDS and they were both pissed that I double booked them. Neither of them are interested in dating a 'double booker'.

I don't think I did anything wrong. Would it have made them feel better if I had scheduled the dates on 2 different days? How was I to know they are friends?

I can't help but just laugh. Tooooo funnnay!

Ok....on to the Tagging.

I tag: Shenanigans, The Biscuit, Earthyartist, Babygirl

I now have to tell these lovelies that they've been tagged. The most HORRIFIC thing I can think of that I have to join phreaking myspace to do this for some of them...and I friggin' hate myspace.


Now for dinner!

Monday, February 05, 2007

Janey Mac!

Sooo it's been a while since I've posted and there are millions of things that didn't happen and some other things that did. Namely I went out on 3 dates.

*quickly ducks*

Oh's not like I am in a nunnery!

The dates were good practice. The fella turned out not to be 'that into me', but meh - it was good practice as I said. One thing I did notice was that although I did like him and was slightly disappointed in his disinterest, I didn't take it to heart.

In fact, he kept trying to stroke my ego so that he would let me down easy. At one point I had to just put an end to that and advise him that I know who I am - I'm fabulous. It never occurred to me that I would have the moxie to admit the size of my ego to someone who was trying to crush it. teehee.

So LadyK has sent me a Meme and hear through her that The Goat has expressed displeasure that I have not yet completed the task. Sooo.

Here it is!

RULES: Each player of this game starts with the 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

Weird intel #1 - I had no idea what a Meme is and though I have looked it up on Wikipedia
I still don't really know what it ACTUALLY is.

Weird intel #2 - I have a bizarre fear of sharks. I can be swimming in a phreaking chlorinated POOL complete with it being INSIDE and with LIFEGUARDS and suddenly I will think "JAWS" and I scramble to get out of the indoor pool of the phreaking Sandman Inn. It can be unbelievably embarrassing - seriously...I move faster out of pools than I do anything else! Fuck you Steven Spielberg, fuck you.

Weird intel #3 -I dream a lot, and I often dream that I'm a man. I have even had sex dreams where I am a man having sex with a woman and that I can actually feel what it must feel like for a man when he first enters a woman - hot, wet, muscles pulling me in. I always wake up before the 'man me' comes. What a rip off.

Weird intel #4 -I have been shit on by various birds (mostly pigeons) FOURTEEN (14) times in my life. I also happen to be fairly lucky. I believe the 2 things are related.

Weird intel #5 - I own more underwear (panties) than is normal. I have 12 matching bra and panty sets approximately 30 briefs, 15 thongs and 3 pairs of boxer shorts (which I only wear when I clean). I also own about 30 different pairs of shoes including, but not limited to, 1 pair of stilettos and 1 pair of thigh high CFM boots.

Weird intel # 6 - I can't eat Oreos anymore. When I was 18yrs old I had mono and the gunk that was in my throat tasted like the insides of an oreo - sickly sweet. I will vomit if you try to make me eat them.

Right! Now I have to choose 6 people to reveal their innermost weirdness!

I have to think about it...I don't know that many people with blogs!

Friday, January 12, 2007

To err is human, to fogive is devine

If anyone has bothered to read my last post you may have noticed that there was a comment left by 'Anonymous'.

I am always very curious about the comments left here and I want you to know that I do read each and every one of them and I always hope for one or two witty remarks left by LadyK or even the long lost TinFoiled. Even Aramous has been quiet lately though I suspect he's busy with ideas of wedded bliss (Congrats again Baby!). Carmen (nee Chloe) and V have also not put finger to keyboard on here for a while but that's all OK. It's not about quantity, it's quality.

So when I saw that I had a comment I was all a twitter and though my email advised it was from 'Anonymous' I secretly hoped it was someone NOT so anonymous.

Sooo...can you imagine my bewilderment when I received a comment suggesting I check out another blog? It went something like this:

Kwerkie "OOOOhhhh a comment! WEEEEE"

Comment "Check out www this adddress dot com"

Kwerkie: "Umm...WTF? Ok...thanks for leaving me a comment that was relevant! (sarcasm) pffft. Jerk."

I sat there for a few moments a bit annoyed that the comment was so self gratifying. Of course I KNOW that The Single Files is 100% my own trek into Egoville and I admit I revel in just how indulgent I do become, but it's not like I go around posting on random blogs suggesting they take Fergie's advice and "Check it out".

However, my curiosity got the better of me and I DID check out the web site.

So to you Christine I say 'tut tut' for being so bold as to post your blog on mine without so much as an introduction or comment about anything you may have connected with in my own writing, but I do forgive you.

I forgive you because as I read the few posts you have there I was reminded of an earlier time in The Single Files. I forgive you because of the voracity in which I read every word, how my eyes feasted on metaphors and my brain nearly over-dosed on eloquence. I forgive you because I think it was a gentle reminder to me that I will only get what I put into this, and I can't keep up the road to Dullsville much longer - it's even grating on ME.

So I retract my earlier statement of "Jerk" and instead replace it with 'Inspirer"

Thank you.

And yes...I advise anyone with a pulse to check out The Shut-In - A Novel

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Single Minded

So it's been officially 2 day, 48hrs of being absolutely for real 100% single. I haven't communicated with Mattias in any way shape or form since around noon on Sunday. I am feeling...OK.

I'm not mad or sad. I'm not blue or glum or anything really. It nearly feels like relief. I feel like I can breathe. I feel like I can focus and I think I feel fine.

I'm not talking Jame Brown "I feel Good" but more along the lines of Michael Buble "Feeling Good" Like I can start again, 'it's a new life for me, and I'm feeling good.'

I'm not actually thinking of jumping back into the proverbial sea, but I just feel like I can move forward, focus a bit more on work and on my belly dancing classes and basketball games. Baseball sign ups are in 2 months and I can't wait! 2nd base again for me!!! weeee.

So speaking about work - I know that I can't post too much about that on here as I still have a massive ego and think that Simone reads this when she's utterly bored (so yeah, probably not often if at all...but like I's my ego here). But I wanted to share a few things.

I received a Christmas Bonus! I know!!! It's nearly unheard of! My boss has NEVER given out a Christmas Bonus before...and let me just say I am closer and closer to getting out of debt!! He was quite generous! We've even hired one more person - bringing our numbers to SIX! I'm escorting 2 Disney Trips, 1 Costa Rica trip is the kicker...Germany & Austria!! Guten Tag Salzburg!!!

I have worked my ASS off this year and I've really gone well and above the call of duty for work. I think Simone would be sick knowing how many International groups we have on the board this year :( I hope your doing well baby, cuz it's a lot different in the office now.

Anyway...I am feeling some serious FUN TIMES coming on soon. and...NO BOYS!

Deep breath.

I think this Single thing is going to be fun for me for a change.,

Sunday, January 07, 2007

To sleep perhaps to dream

I had the most delicious dream last night. It catered to all of my fantasies of hearth and home and the most surprising part was that my counter part in my dream was Malcolm The Eye Guy - whom I haven't spoken to much in the better part of 2 years!!!

I know that Malcolm is living with his girlfriend and I hope that he is happy and that all is going well for him. Besides all that, despite my interest in him initially, I had no indication from him (or at least no CLEAR indication) that he was interested in me. I do miss our banter though, he always could make me smile at the smallest of things.

I believe that I dreamed about him because something he said to me about a month or so ago has really stuck in my brain.

We were talking about relationships (having just found out that he has a live in girl friend) and I said that I was single (that was the first break up with Mattias). We talked a bit about the concept of marriage and I said that I wasn't sure I could be with someone for years on end as I get bored easily.

Then Malcolm said something very profound that I have not been able to shake. I can't remember the exact wording he used but here was the gist of it. He said that perhaps the reason I am single is that I look at my partner as someone I have to constantly entertain and be entertained by, and that a relationship isn't really like that.

I haven't been able to get this off my mind for long and I think it is a large part of my hemming and hawing over Mattias.

The comfort level with Mattias is huge. We are such great friends that it seems like an odd thing to do to cut myself off from such a confidant, and from someone who shares my humour and who never offends me when he tells me to get my head out of my ass.

However, my dream last night was all about "the ideal". It was a sort of dream that made me really think about what I really want and what I am really doing to get it. Everything in there was what I actually want in a healthy happy relationship. I won't go into the details because a small part of me thinks that perhaps Malcolm The Eye Guy still reads The Single Files once in a blue moon and I don't want him to wig out and wonder if I'm going to stalk him or anything like that.

Let's just say when I woke up I had a big cat stretch, sent Malcolm a huge mental hug and sent him all sorts of happy thoughts and then I felt the need to post. The oddest thing happened too! I haven't seen Malcolm log in to MSN for a while and as I'm typing all this up...he logs in! I tried to say Happy New Year and all that but he didn't respond. Ah well. I do hope that he is well and happy.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

New Year, New Beginnings, New New New!

Well 2007 entered in an unusual way but I have to say, so far I'm keeping all my New Year's resolutions!

I am going to be a bit more free, a bit more open. Oh I know what you are thinking - if I was any more open I'd be inside out! Still, I feel that since I have countless people I actually KNOW reading The Single Files I have been quite a bit guarded with my reports and post less and less for fear of the backlash.

Well guess what? The whole reason I STARTED this thing was to use it as a sort of therapy, to get a new perspective on my love life and to really just entertain myself with the hope of entertaining others as well.

Soooo. Here it is!

Mattias and I continue to do our unique dance of special torture. Soon this will all end. I guess the third time will have to be the charm with this one and I will be stronger...I will just refuse to take his calls. He has a way of talking me right out of my decisions. I have discovered quite to my surprise that he preys on my weakest points and then I end up thinking "I can't do better" which is RIDICULOUS.

He's not divorced from his first wife whom he's been separated from for 15 YEARS! It's been very silly of me to accept any sort of excuse for this. He refuses to get his shit together to work out an decent way to figure out the care of his other 4 kids by his ex of now 2 years. This is not healthy for me. This is just not what I want.

I am happy to say that I will be heading to Calgary for a weekend of wild and debaucherous fun! LadyK is having a birthday and I am going to use my Christmas Bonus to go to Calgary, visit with her and make sure she celebrates in style! I will have to do a bit more research on where to party but I am VERY excited to be seeing her!

I plan on being absolutely care free in Calgary! What ever happens will happen...I am not going to close myself off to anything. We're going to drink some wine, dance a lot and hopefully there will be a cowboy or two in the wings.