The Peanut Gallery - a review

Thank you so much to all who posted comments on the "No comings, possibly goings" post. I appreciate the honesty and the feedback and it gave me much to consider.

Sunday Morning Hangover - (I have one of those now) Ahem. I thought your comments were fairly neutral not giving a yea or a nay and that is just fine :) The 2nd comment about the #2 issue I agree with and have a few boyfriends like that too. It did make me take a look at what I was writing and ensure that I am more clear about the ideas for future posts.
And, as always, I do appreciate your feedback. You have a special place in my blogging heart as you were the very first person to ever comment on my blog :) Thanks :)

Gwynne - you are right of course! Waiting for sex is all part of the courtship ritual/dance that we all go through. Jumping in too soon can lead to disastrous sex and besides...I really want it more the more I can't have it. I think that some men can sometimes lose sight that the woman enjoys sex and wants it just as much as they do. But the waiting is an important ingredient in sexual excitement and satisfaction. The sex is usually better with someone you know a little more than say 2 weeks.

Tinfoiled -Yes..the giggling wouldn't be an issue if he respected my wishes that it stop for now. However, it didn't stop. It continued...and got worse along the way. In previous relationships #2 was my issue for a very long time....but I'm happy to report that I am much better at communicating my needs to my partner. It doesn't mean that both parties have to boom as you say, every time, but it can't always be about one or the other person...an exchange is what I seek. I loved the musical reference! You have such a way with words!

Grins-Happy to report that he is now officially out the door! It was my gut instinct too...I will be careful to listen to that more closely.

Lady K - yes I already knew what you thought and you had the advantage over the others to hear ALL the gory details. I agree wholeheartedly with your 2nd comment - gut feelings should be heeded and explanations are not needed when the feelings in the gut are so strong.

And this now leaves "Anonymous". I thought I wasn't going to do this...but then I was thinking about it s'more...and I have decided that I WILL respond. I am doing this because I don't actually care if "Anonymous" reads this entry...I am doing this because I believe that I have a good rebuttal...something that has been put together with some FORETHOUGHT and LOGIC rather than coming from a place of bitter resentment.

So here we go...hold on to your martini glasses!

My original words appear in PURPLE. His response to my words appear in BLUE. My response to his words appear like all the others above.

He's 33 years old people! No relationship has lasted more than 6 months?? whoah! What is up with that?
Er, maybe he's never met anyone he liked enough to date for more than 6 months?
I think you are missing the point. The point I am trying to make is that he has had girlfriends..but the relationships were short. This means only 1 of 2 things. 1) he only dates women he is not particularly compatible with, or 2) he isn't willing/able to work at building a relationship with women with whom he is compatible with.

How is that a reflection on him as a person?
This is not me saying "Darius is a bad person". This is me wondering if he lacks the maturity that is necessary when building a solid relationship between 2 people. The first 4-5 months of a relationship is the "honeymoon" stage. He has little in the way of opportunity to face challenges that happen in a relationship - at his age...this is a daunting thing to be faced with as his partner. It means teaching him how to give and take a lot more than you would normally face with a partner who has had longer relationships.


Hell, I'm in my mid-thirties and I've never been in any kind of relationship. I've been attracted to lots of women, but they've never been attracted to me. It's not that I'm not a nice guy, I have lots of friends of both sexes. The simple fact is I was unfortunate enough to be born ugly.
Ok...it took me nearly 5 minutes to stop laughing after these lines. Born ugly? I'm sorry...I'm going to have to see some pictorial proof here. Born ugly?? By who's standard are you considered ugly? Oh...you said it...so clearly by your own standards you are ugly. I can't really believe it though..I think it's the Buddhist in me...All things have beauty...some people just can't see it. I bet you could use some therapy. And if your friends are telling you that you are ugly..well then...they clearly are not your friends.


There's nothing I can do about that, but by your logic I'm somehow tainted, a bad person.
I think you have composed your comments as a knee jerk reaction to an emotional response. I have not said that Darius is a bad person, nor do I think that anyone who has had short or no relationships at all is "tainted, a bad person". This is what you have chose to see/hear in my post.



We must live in a very fucked up society if it's considered better to have slept around indiscriminately, spreading disease and risking unwanted pregnancies, than to have exercised self-restraint or (gasp) simply not had the opportunity in the first place.
Ahhhh - the best for last. "Slept around indiscriminately"? Who said that? Certainly not me. Sex is too important to just waste it on a random person. I'm not saying it has to be the Be All and the End All to everything...but you should at least LIKE the person you are having sex with. And I don't know about you...but for me that takes getting to know someone for more than just a few hours.
"disease" "unwanted pregnancies"?? My god! Why are you promoting unsafe sex??? DUDE! It's 2005- wear a condom! Get yourself and your partner checked out on a regular basis for any diseases. Unwanted pregnancies?? Get your girl to go on the pill AND use condoms!! For you to even imply actively having unprotected sex in this day and age shows major ignorance and a lack of regard for people in general.
And now....my personal favourite "not had the opportunity in the first place" What kind of horse shit is this? Not had the opportunity? (This is said in my best John Cleese Parrot Sketch voice...think" pining for the fjords??") It's not like Darius was in JAIL since the age of 18 for crying out loud!! Though that does remind me of a great Tragically Hip tune "38 yrs old never kissed a girl" *ahem* I do digress.

Unless you are in jail, a monk/priest or some other form of religious leader following the vows of celibacy, EVERYONE has the opportunity to meet people and form relationships. The question is....do you choose to ACT when opportunity presents itself? Another question might be...do you MAKE opportunities for yourself?

In this day and age of online dating...how can you NOT have the opportunity? I meet people all the time. Yes I am gregarious, outgoing and I do love people in general...I love learning from them. I strike up conversations in coffee shops, on trains, while waiting in line at the grocers. I make opportunities for myself.

Your comments to me dear "Anonymous" struck me as angry and sad. It initially annoyed me that you chose to hide behind the anonymity of your comment post, but then I realized that you are shy. That cowardice, coupled with the fact that you believe yourself to be ugly likely means you suffer from very low self esteem. And one who suffers from very low self esteem would likely not likely be proud of comments they write on blogs.

One final comment. Your post seemed too heated...it seemed to come from a place of intense emotion...that I can't help but wonder in a Carly Simon type of way - I bet you thought that post was about you.

Could the "Anonymous" poster have been Darius himself lashing out in an attempt to explain himself???? hmmmm.....