To sleep perhaps to dream

I had the most delicious dream last night. It catered to all of my fantasies of hearth and home and the most surprising part was that my counter part in my dream was Malcolm The Eye Guy - whom I haven't spoken to much in the better part of 2 years!!!

I know that Malcolm is living with his girlfriend and I hope that he is happy and that all is going well for him. Besides all that, despite my interest in him initially, I had no indication from him (or at least no CLEAR indication) that he was interested in me. I do miss our banter though, he always could make me smile at the smallest of things.

I believe that I dreamed about him because something he said to me about a month or so ago has really stuck in my brain.

We were talking about relationships (having just found out that he has a live in girl friend) and I said that I was single (that was the first break up with Mattias). We talked a bit about the concept of marriage and I said that I wasn't sure I could be with someone for years on end as I get bored easily.

Then Malcolm said something very profound that I have not been able to shake. I can't remember the exact wording he used but here was the gist of it. He said that perhaps the reason I am single is that I look at my partner as someone I have to constantly entertain and be entertained by, and that a relationship isn't really like that.

I haven't been able to get this off my mind for long and I think it is a large part of my hemming and hawing over Mattias.

The comfort level with Mattias is huge. We are such great friends that it seems like an odd thing to do to cut myself off from such a confidant, and from someone who shares my humour and who never offends me when he tells me to get my head out of my ass.

However, my dream last night was all about "the ideal". It was a sort of dream that made me really think about what I really want and what I am really doing to get it. Everything in there was what I actually want in a healthy happy relationship. I won't go into the details because a small part of me thinks that perhaps Malcolm The Eye Guy still reads The Single Files once in a blue moon and I don't want him to wig out and wonder if I'm going to stalk him or anything like that.

Let's just say when I woke up I had a big cat stretch, sent Malcolm a huge mental hug and sent him all sorts of happy thoughts and then I felt the need to post. The oddest thing happened too! I haven't seen Malcolm log in to MSN for a while and as I'm typing all this up...he logs in! I tried to say Happy New Year and all that but he didn't respond. Ah well. I do hope that he is well and happy.