A Sad Goodbye

I have been overwhelmed as of late and I know I haven't posted - things are getting a bit too much away from me and I have needed some time to get myself together again.

It was with a very sad and heavy heart that I had to come to a heart-breaking decision to put Mr. Taliesin down.

This is the hardest thing I have done yet.

Two Sundays ago around 7PM I noticed Taliesin straining as he was trying to go pee and then he let out a heart breaking yowl and I knew what the problem was.

He had a blockage in his urethra- likely crystals that were packed up in his bladder and clogging him so that he couldn't pee at all. This happened about 6 years ago and I was able at that time, to spend the $1000.00 to get him well. Emergency surgery and 4 days of boarding at the vet's was very pricey but I was able to take out a loan and pay for the treatment.

This time, there was no way I could extend my credit on such short notice and so it was with a very heavy heart that I had to say goodbye to my furry friend of 10 years. I headed to the SPCA for when they opened.

I am heartbroken.

My friend Jordi had this to say about it which is so apropos I had to share.

It is a hard decision to make to put a treasured pet down. They are your love and companion and best friend, listener and licker of tears. They are the only one who really understands when you feel like crap and they are the one that sleeps by your side - even when they are mad at you for going out all night or away for the weekend. They are often the one you scoop up and squeeze for a little love when everything else feels dull and lifeless.

What an experience.

I can't say enough good things about the people at the BCSPCA Animal Hospital. They could barely understand me through my sobbing but were very kind and very patient.

It was tough, but I do believe it was the best decision considering the severity of the situation. By the time I got him to the Clinic, Taliesin was going into shock and was yowling and shaking uncontrollably no doubt with fear as much as septic shock.

The cost was going to come in at an unaffordable $1275.00 (including taxes) and I really just couldn't afford it. I had him examined though and was also given a 'poor mans' version which would be around $800.00 but the chances of my older cat being OK with the 'poor man's' version was not likely and the vet was very clear about that.

I had an agonizing hour when I was waiting to hear back from an insurance company whether or not they would extend my coverage/credit and cover the cost of the surgery. Alas, it was not to be.

Taliesin and I parted ways the morning of Feb 19 2007 at 10:45AM. I couldn't bear to be with him when they gave him the needle and I think that we did have a nicer goodbye between us. The last thing I wanted was to see him react to the pain of an needle and then fade away. He even gave me kisses and we held hands (in our fashion) for a while.

My heart is really hurting right now, but they did make it as easy as possible on me.

My apartment is suddenly very large. He had a huge personality and was a really chatty sort of cat - he loved to tell me all about his days of lazing in the sunny spots, sleeping curled up on my pillow, chasing spiders (sometimes real ones, most of the times invisible ones) and he had to tell me every detail of every dream he ever had or could hope to have.

He was my early weather warning system - giving me 2hours of 'heads up' notice for the earthquake back in 1997 and every severe wind storm we've had this year.

Taliesin had a funny habit of doing Gopher Impersonations. I also called it the "If You're Happy And You Know It Clap Your Paws" dance. He would raise up on his hind legs and then pat his two front paws together. He often did this in front of a mirror and checked himself out in a nice side view the whole time. He did this for 10 years and it always, always made me smile and giggle and laugh...every time for 10 years.

He was a wonderful companion and a great comfort and confidant. He knew all my secrets...all of them. I could tell him the ugliest dirtiest secrets and he'd look at me with his large marble eyes, purr deeply and then but heads with me - letting me know that love really is unconditional.

I miss him the most at night. I haven't been able to sleep the whole night through - I miss his snoring and not-so-soft puring.

Rest in peace Mr. Taliesin - I love you and miss you terribly.