An apology

Ok, so I realize that earlier today my post was just so full of self pity that it was pretty much impossible not to choke on it. The one good thing was the "acid reflux of the heart" because honestly I DO feel like that might actually be happening to me.

My visit home this past weekend really has made me aware that ALL of my friends in Vancouver are all coupled up. They don't know any single people because *I* am that single person. It's bananas!

I've written off the young dude. We were supposed to have plans tonight but I've heard nothing from him. I finally sent him a text and he responded over an hour later with a voice mail that I believe is just absolute bullshit. I think this time I'm going to LISTEN to my little voice. I just think this guy is full of lies. I don't really have any reason to believe that but I can't help but FEEEEEL it.

I think we can all agree that I am the QUEEN of second (or more) chances but where has that left me? Single at the age of 35 with no real prospects on the horizon at the moment.

School is going to see me with my head in the books and working crazy shifts...I m not sure I'm going to have much time for any sort of romance. So I think it's got me a little scared. HOWEVER! If I can just buckle down and get myself started on my new career why CAN'T I find the love of my life and have a family later in life?

I don't even know if I CAN have kids anymore...who knows what sort of damage may have happened back when I was 22.

Anyway my little chickens, I just want to let you know that I'm very sorry for my childish pity party and bitter bettyness. I am going to start living stronger, these little negative rants that I allow do NOTHING to help me. I can't even say getting them out makes me feel better because what really happens is that I go over and over what I wrote or thought or said and I just keep those negative nelly's on repeat.

SO enough. Seriously.

I am moving in 3 weeks. This needs to be my priority.