Blame the oven cleaner!

I've cleaned my oven today.

I want to make this point very clear. I went out and bought that "Easy Off" industrial oven cleaner and got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed my tiny oven spotless! The fumes were amazing - I can't remember it ever being so stinky or horrible and I had the kitchen window open, the patio door in the living room open as well as the fan on the oven going.

I need you to understand that I was exposed to these fumes for approximately 30 minutes. I think that it will help to know this as I go into the post.

2.5 Hours prior to cleaning the oven I phoned one of my best friends Emily. She lives in Ireland and I haven't talked to her in a while so instead of a long winded email I thought I would jump on the phone and ring her. We had a WONDERFUL conversation about everything...as it is with best friends. Even though we might not talk that often, every time we do talk it's like it hasn't been 5 years since she's moved to Ireland!

Emily has gotten engaged! Hoorah!!! Robert is a lovely man and after meeting him 2 years ago I quickly decided that he is good enough for Emily. They are a great couple and madly in love. After purchasing a new car and then a condo together they are even more convinced that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. I am sooo happy for Emily!! She deserves the best, she is a wonderful woman and I love her to bits and pieces!

During her telling of the proposal (very romantic - Robert proposed while they were on a weekend getaway to Paris - lovely!) Emily asked me if I would be her maid of honour. Well...what an honour indeed!! Of course I accept!!! She is getting married in May of 2007 which happens to coincide with the same month and year that I was planning a 2 week vacation to Ireland. Hoorah! Fabulous.

I told Emily more details about Ronan and I and all the good stuff there. It was lovely to talk to her though I'm sure my phone bill will be outrageous. We talked for nearly 2 hours! Yikes! Still...totally worth it!

So after I rung off with Emily I was full of energy and decided to clean my apartment. This is when I got the bright idea to clean my oven. Good for me...I'm being very domestic and thinking about Emily and how beautiful her wedding is going to be and I began thinking about what sort of dress I would wear as her Maid of Honour.

After the oven was cleaned I decided that I had to get out of my apartment if only to get some fresh air. In a daze I wander up the street. I have no destination in mind and yet somehow I end up at the London Drugs on Davie and in the magazine aisle. Ok...there are loads of bridal mags...I pick one up...flip through it...I'm looking for bridesmaids dresses. My god there are some "risque" dresses out there.

I buy 2 magazines and some lip stick and then wander on home. I am wondering what kind of dress Emily will go for. She's a bit of a traditional woman...I can see her in a floor length gown with lots of lace but still tastefully done.

I come home and my apartment still smells like oven cleaner. I put the mags on my table and make some dinner. While I'm waiting for it to cook I flip through the mags. Page after page of wedding dress with very few bridesmaids dresses in between. I begin to dog ear some pages of the bridesmaids dresses I like and can see myself wearing. Emily has given me free reign to choose my dress as long as it's hunter green so I feel good about my "getting on it" as it were. Besides...she's coming home in September so I can show her the ones I have picked out and we can talk about whether she's happy with it. (I can't imagine why she wouldn't be...we have similar tastes).

And then it happens. I turn the page after making fun of some pretty ugly wedding gowns...and WHAM. I see the most gorgeous wedding dress EVER. I have no idea why I did this. I dog eared the page. I sat staring at the dress for what seemed like 10 minutes. I pictured myself wearing the dress...walking down the aisle...

OH MY GOD! Give my melon a shake!!! Quick...try to smooth out the dog ear on the page. YIKES. "I'm not crazy I'm not crazy I'm not crazy" I say to myself 3 times as fast as I can...and in doing so solidify my crazyness!

Wowzers. Flip flip flip go the pages as I frantically try to find a bridesmaid's dress to settle my eyes on. Back back back the pages go and I stare at the dress for another minute. Yes...long hair unfettered and slightly curled...maybe a butterfly necklace...WHAT??? NOOOOOOO

I close the magazine and throw it on the couch. I could still see it there...it was calling my name...I could hear it.

"Kwerkie...pick me up....just look at me....there's no harm in looking....I'm sooooo pretty! I'm exactly the sort of dress you've always dreamt of...LOOOOOOOK at MEEEEEEE"

For-get-it!

I grab the mag. Open- shut. Flip flip flip. SLAM! Nope. Not going to go crazy. I put the magazine in my closet under all my hats and scarves so as to muffle it's call.

Man that oven cleaner is strong shit!