Night Singing

I think I have a wicked porn voice. I can "OooOOhhHHhhhh" and "ahhh" and "Uuummmm" with the best of them...the only difference being is that my sex noises are actually genuine.

Welcome Tia - the newest audience member to make herself known :) I hope you continue to enjoy and learn and post comments of all kinds :). This post is a direct result of your question from here.

How *do* I manage to have an orgasm so often with Ronan....good question. I started thinking about it, trying to analyze the sex I have with him...but then that wasn't as fun as asking Ronan his opinion on the matter.

Here is what we came up with. (Oh the punnyness of that sentence is too good not to comment on).

In the beginning stages of our relationship we had a lot of fun dates that culminated in massive make out sessions. All hands were above the equator as it were and we just kissed each other silly! To say that I love kissing is a massive understatement. I've broken up with men before over lousy kissing.

To me kissing is an intimate and integral part of sex. I NEED to be kissed. If it doesn't start off with kissing...it won't actually "start". The best part about kissing is that it is not limited to just the lips! My neck, breasts and especially my EARS loved to be kisses. I think that people sometimes forget how sensual kissing can be. Slow it down, speed it up....let your tongue play. Gentle slurpy kisses in the ear combined with quick tongue flicks over the jugular vein will very nearly bring me to orgasm.

Ok...so we've covered kissing as an important part of good sex (for me....others might not be too into it).

The next important ingredient is "Talking". Yup...I like to tell Ronan what's working, where to go next....though as we have been together for 4 months now there is little need for that now.

95% of women (I think that's the right percentage) can not achieve orgasm from penetration alone...there needs to be some clitoral stimulation. Here is the thing...a lot of men don't seem to know where it is or worse...what to do with it when they DO find it.

This delicate area of the female body is a lot like the head of a man's penis. It has the same nerve endings, the same sensitivity of an uncircumcised man. Women have a little hood protecting the clitoris....after all...we can't have us women wearing lacey thongs and then BAMO! having orgasms every time we get up from our desk to go to the bathroom. (isnt that a nice thought though?).

Many men seem to think that quick, hard circular movements over a woman's clit is enough or good or something. Hellooooo....do you want me to rub my thumb over the head as hard as I can as fast as I can with little to no lube???? Je ne pense pas!

You know your body. Hopefully you've had many wonderful orgasms by yourself and are confident enough to tell your partner just how you love to be touched. Is it slow and sensual? Quick and hard? Slow and hard? Quick and soft? You know yourself.

When things are working well for me...Ronan can't help but know it. Noises escape me. It's a wonderful pleasurable circle. It feels good- so I moan. It feels good to moan-so I moan more. Of course...no one should make fun of your night singing. (I don't know why I am calling it night singing....it's not like I"m quiet in the day time and only moan with pleasure at night...)

One day Ronan mimicked my sex noises and I admit I was less than impressed. Those noises are uncontrolled and often I don't even know what I'm saying (if there are indeed any words) so it seems unfair to bring them out after a love making session. My utterings are being used out of context as it were.

So...my best advice on how to achieve an orgasm every time are listed below:

1) Do not think about it. It's not really that important to cum every single time...what is important is that you enjoy what you are doing. If you are putting pressure on yourself or your partner to give you an orgasm...chances are you are not in the right head space to have one.

2) TALK to you partner. Many people find it very sexy to talk during sex. "Move here, touch me like this, I love it when you lick me here" That sort of thing. Praise in the bedroom does wonders.

3)DO NOT FAKE IT! If you fake it you are opening up a huge pandora's box. Your partner will likely repeat what they did when you faked it and then would be bewildered why it has suddenly changed and is no longer working for you.

4) Be an active participant in your own pleasure. A lot of men get turned on when a woman touches themselves while they are penetrating them. This works out great for everyone as the woman gets all sorts of stimulation and the man gets a nice view (depending on position) of his woman being confident and taking control of her own sexuality.

5) Talk about any problems you are having OUTSIDE of the bedroom. That is sooo important as you do not want your bedroom (or secret sex alcove) to be a place of doom....unless you are into that sort of thing. No one wants to feel pressured in bed....so talking about issues outside of your "regular" sex arena is key to keeping it full of pleasure and not full of anxiety.

Alright,...now I know that some of you may disagree with any or all of the above. I am not a sex therapist, I do not have a degree from any recognized institution in Sexuality. However....I have had a few lovers, even MORE boyfriends and I know what I like.

If these tips work for you...I'm very happy for you!

If they don't...well...don't give up, Chapters is full of great books on sexuality. One of the best ones I read is called "Sexual Self Awareness" and that was a key factor on my road to discovering my own sexuality and pleasure. Don't cheat on the excersizes...they are fun and a huge learning tool.