Ok...I admit it. I am sometimes a jealous person. I hate it...the weight of it all...the heavy feeling in my stomach, the pressure on my heart, sometimes I can't breath through the thick green fog.
I had a massive attack of it on Saturday.
Ronan has joined my gym. There are probably lots of reasons why he joined my gym...his gym was really far away, it was inconvenient, we were spending a lot of time together and both of us ignoring the gym...So joining my gym means we can go together and work out together and be supportive in getting fit and healthy. Great.
However...as we all know...beautiful people work at the gym. Anna was no exception to the rule. In her late 30's Anna is in amazing shape, breasts still perky (I'm putting money on the Wonder Bra being extra "Wonder-ful") and her ass was tight and high and there wasn't a part of her that giggled unnecessarily.
I don't mind a pretty girl...truth is I really appreciate beauty in all it's forms and genders. I think that Anna is very attractive but I am not actually attracted TO her. (just want to be clear on this point),
SO. Fine. Anna is pretty. We arrive at the gym are placed in her capable and wandering hands. Oh wait...sorry...I was there...but may as well have been invisible. She was ALLL over Ronan. Cooing at him and fawning over him and TOUCHING HIM???? Running her hands up and down his back, over his shoulders...the only thing she didn't do is reach down his shorts and grope him!
Ronan ate it up. I don't blame him really - it is hard not to be all gooey when an attractive person butters you up. The good news is that Ronan saw through her phoney act and realized that she was just trying to sell him a membership.
STILL. I couldn't help the green fog from clouding my vision. It affected me more than I want to admit...but here I am sharing.
I nearly felt VIOLENT towards Anna. I called on Monday to ask about a class and spoke to her. She mentioned that she saw Ronan at the gym on Sunday. I was pretty sure he didn't go to the gym and the green nearly choked me. I know he didn't go...why would she say that?
I feel very solid with Ronan to be clear. I don't think that he'd ever cheat on me and he knows that I would never cheat on him. What would be the point? I feel like I am getting everything I want out of this relationship. I feel loved, desired, listed to, cared for and a whole litany of other ooey gooey things that are important to me.
Still...why the jealousy?
Yes I need to drop about 30lbs to be truly athletic, but I don't think that Ronan is turned off by my body. I do have a washboard stomach...it's just under 20lbs of laundry at the moment. (teehee).
But this was crazy. I wanted to hurt Anna...I didn't like the way she looked at Ronan and I hated her touching him...
It aint easy being green...I prefer passionate pink.
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