Lines in the Sand

Ok....we all know by now how much I love the Fade Out and Ostrich techniques. Ocasionally I get very ballsy and tell it like it is...ocasionally.

So Giermo and I had out "talk" and to be honest...it went better than I had hoped. I was mildly amused at how we managed to avoid the topic for a few hours...but I just couldn't let sleeping dogs lie and I asked if we indeed were going to discuss the events of his Birthday Party. I had intended to make him go first...but he apperently didn't need to discuss anything and so it was all about me.

My favourite line from Giermo was "I don't regret what happened". This nearly made me snort outloud. Of COURSE he doesn't regret it. What is there for him to regret?? He got to kiss me, and I don't mind saying, that I'm a fabulous kisser. We fooled around a bit...and that was all fun for him as he was pretty much completely passive after the intial instigation on his part. We couldn't possibly have gone all the way as he had had far too much to drink to make it physcially possible. So of course he doesn't regret it. I thought it was the funniest thing he had said all evening and Giermo can be quite witty at times.

What I had been struggling with all week was what *I* wanted out of it all. I kept going over the events of the night over and over in my mind and I came to the conclusion, that whereas I enjoy Giermo on certain levels...I find it very difficult to communicate with him on any sort of "normal" level. This was very evident from out Wednesday night conversation over the phone. At the end of the day I think that Giermo and myself are probably very similar people...and no good could come of us getting together for anything more than a friendship.

I mentally drew a line in the sand. These are the lines of our friendship that shall not be crossed (again).

And then....and then there is Gryffin. I have been waiting to blog him due to the fact that I knew Giermo was going to read my blog and I didn't want what I write about Gryffin to have influenced the outcome of our "talk".

Gryffin and I met in early September. We got along like a house on fire and the chemistry between us was unmistakeable. Gryffin has the unique effect on me to actually calm down my busy energy and I enjoy the silence that falls between us as much as the ideas we exchange.

Sadly, Gryffin was dating other women and had one in particular that he wanted to pursue. Ok...no big deal. So life went on for me in the usual manner. Then unexpectedly I got a phone call from Gryffin - who later admited that it was indeed an error as he was trolling through his phone and accidentally phoned me instead of his buddy Kevin. So we chatted pleasantly for a while and then said our good byes and take cares etc.

The following week I saw him at a concert I went to by myself. He sat with me the entire time and we had a great night of music and flirting. I noticed that the girl he was seeing was no where to be found yet she called him no less than 3 times in one hour. (yikes). Gryffin drove me home that night and there were great hugs between us. I had a really lovely night with him and though it was a bit flirty at times, we were both on our best behaviours.

The week after that I get an email from Gryffin saying that he's bummed as the woman he was seeing has ended things and did I want to get together for coffee and a walk around Stanley Park?

Ok...so you can already see where I am thinking "Wow...2nd choice. Yipppeeee". (insert Acme size anvil sarcasm here)

The problem here is that I am too nice. I forgive and forget far too easily. I hand out second chances like a priest at a soup kitchen. What I *should* do is forgive...but not really forget.

Anyway......I saw Gryffin the Sunday after Giermo's party. We hung out, laughed a lot, had a lot of quiet moments and Gryffin and I cuddled up on my couch together. He smelt like bergamot and pet my hair. Gryffin ended up staying until quite late and our evening ended with a very long hug at my door.

That week I saw Gryffin the same night that I spoke to Giermo on the phone...that night I knew it wasn't going to work out between Giermo and myself as everthing we (Giermo and I) said to each other annoyed the crap out of me.

Gryffin came by and listened to my rant about Giermo, work and my Mum. I was initially embarassed to tell him about the goings on at Giermo's party...but Gryffin is a pretty liberal guy and took it all in stride. After my exhaustive rant Gryffin quietly schooched over on the couch and gave me one of his long silent hugs. I pretty much just had a melt down. He smelt like patcholi, pet my hair and gave me soft kisses on the top of my head and forehead.


When I came back from my short trip (only 3 days) I called Gryffin and I felt a bit funny about it all. I knew he wanted to see me that night but I wasn't really up for it and besides...I had Giermo to deal with. I began to think that it would just be all about sex between Gryffin and I and not an actual relationship and I wasn't sure if I just wanted to have a bed buddy or just what I wanted.

We agreed to meet up the next night. It was lovely. He came over with a gift of my favourite hot bevvy from the MegaBucks down the street. I can't believe he remembered what I liked! (Extra hot, Soy, Tazo Chai Latte if you are interested) We chatted for a while and we cuddled on the couch and it was very lovely. I felt lovely. We even made plans to head to the sauna's on Tuesday (2 days from now) to celebrate his birthday.

Now don't get me wrong. I"m still not sure what this is between Gryffin and I. I am still surprised that I can feel so calm around him...normally I'm fliting from room to room or topic to topic and I've often wondered what the line is between having a short attention span, being ADD, or just general restlessness.

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Back from the Sauna's with Gryffin. So it's official. He would like me to be his "In The Mean Time Girl". Fuck it.

We went to the Buddhist Chinese Kitchen in China Town and my fortune cookie was quite fortuitious! It read "Set your mind to it. Confidence is going to see you through". Before, during and after dinner there was much flirting between Gryffin and I. Lots of hand holding, squeezing, caressing. We get to the sauna and we both go nude (I'm a serious nudist).

It was wonderful to sit there in silence with the sauna so hot I felt I was melting and the eucalyptus in the air....absolutely wonderful.

Gryffin reaches over and starts to rub my back, my legs and leans in for some action. I stop him. I don't want to be his whore and I know that he's not quite in for a relationship. So the answer is No Thank You. All or nothing buddy. You are not a friend with benefits no matter how much I am attracted to you or how well hung you are.

We chatted about it...he said he didn't know where his heart was but that he's very attracted to me and wants to kiss me and caress me and blah blah blah. Big fucking deal. I don't need this crap. I am NOT second prize here and I am NOT a whore. Forget it.

The remainder of the sauna was fine for me...though I suspect that Gryffin felt a bit awkward. Afterwards he drove me to his place and I had a look at all the renovations that are taking place at his house. He certainly has a lot of work ahead of him. Then he drove me home and we had our usual long silent hug followed by a kiss on my forehead.

I feel great. These are the lines drawn in the sand of our friendship....they shall not be crossed.
I have set my mind to it. Confidence will see me through.

Kwerkie