Let's talk about Sex baby!

Sex. It's something that we all talk about - a lot. What I am wondering is...if we're all TALKING about it...is anyone actually LISTENING? Or are we drowning eachother out with our own opinions of good vs bad, tabboo vs turn on, and are we speaking from the heart or talking out our ass???

I have a few motto's when it comes to sex and I'd like to share them with you.

#1 - If you are not having sex with me...I don't care who you are having sex with as long as it harms no one.

Where did the "Sex Police" come from? Why is it anyone's business who is sleeping with whom or what consenting adults ( key words here people...Consenting Adults) choose to do with eachother sexually. This is anything from one on one hetrosexual encounters, to mass gay orgies. Why should you care if it doesn't' involve you?

Honestly...if it has nothing to do with me...I couldn't give a rat ass who you are doing, boning, fucking, screwing, bonking, having sex, making the 2 backed beast or fornicating with.


#2 - Ultimately, you are responsible for your own pleasure -ask for what you'd like, don't be afraid to experiment and above all....have sex with someone you trust.

I just had my 30th birthday a few weeks ago and it wasn't until half way through my 29th year that I was able to have an orgasm WITH a partner. I know it sounds frightening, pathetic and sad...that's because it is! I was always afraid to ask for the things I really wanted...even the most basic things like "kiss my ears" or "slow down" I was always about pleasing my partner and I think that a big part of me felt a lot of gratitude that I was even having sex at all so that somehow I ignored my own pleasure. Don't get me wrong...sex was still fun and felt great...but it really is a different story when you get to have an orgasm too.



How I learned to be responsible for my own pleasure came about when I dated a man this past spring. I had been a few months out of a very distructive relationship and I had forgotten what it was like to feel beautiful or special with a man. Nelson changed all that for me. With him, the compliments just flowed out of his mouth and into my ears.

I always felt very confident and sexy around Nelson -even in the most mundane situations, and that made an amazing difference in our sex life. I would ask for things, demand things, and was the most uninhibited I have ever been. What an amazing feeling to be in total control of your own sexuality and pleasure. The best part is that when you trust your partner and can communicate your desires well, there is no limit to the exploration and the pleasure you can experience.



#3 - Good Sex will never SAVE a relationship, but Bad Sex will KILL it.

This is so very true. How many of us have suffered through bad sex because we thought that the personality of our partner we were having the bad sex with was fantastic? C'mon...raise your hands...we've ALL done it at one point. Now...are you WITH someone now with whom the sex is bad? Im' talking BAD, AWFUL, TERRIBLE. I'm talking that you'd masterbate rather than have sex with your current partner?

It's true that I can't even imagine a relationship progressing past the 3rd attempt at sex if it didn't improve.

Let me give you an example.

A few months ago I went out on a few dates with a fellow with whom I am in Mutal Ostrich Mode with. Our first date was really easy going and fun. No kissing as per my rule. All was good. Our second date involved some alcohol...but this there there was some kissing and that was excellent. Our 3rd date we AGAIN got hosed on too many beers and had a serious make out session that somehow was all about kissing and we never made it to 2nd base. Our 4rth date...once more with alcohol and we made it to 2nd base...Hurray! (A side note...I never thought I would say "Hurrah for 2nd base" in my 30's.).

Anyway...2nd base quickly morphed into "All The Way". It starts as most sessions do. Loads of kissing...passionate deep kisses with hands groping everywhere. Pretty soon shirts are being pulled off...pants are coming undone and we're dragging eachother into my bedroom.

At first it's a lot of oral sex and that's pretty good. He did bite me three times and sucked on my clit like a hoover...but overall it wasnt too bad. I already knew I wasn't going to have an orgasm (too much to drink) but I was happy to play around. We're messin' around for maybe 7 mins...and then suddenly he's done. Just like that. Done. Ok...no big deal. He spends the night and in the morning we go for round 2 (ding ding).

Well this my friends...this was not even worth me opening my eyes for!

First off...he was very pokey. Basically...we kissed for less than a minute when he started reaching down and poking me with his fingers. This was not pleasant. There was no preliminary testing of the waters so to speak There was no long sensuous kissing for me to get all tingly about. The next thing you know he's reaching for a condom (I insist on the use of condoms) and then he unceromoniously shoved himself into me. I tell him slow down...but it's no use. In out, in out, in out, moan, moan, a loud "Fuuuucccckkkkk" escapes his lips. DONE.

WHAT? Are you kidding me?? The entire session lasted...oh...I dunno...at MOST about 3 minutes.

And then that was it. He got off...fell asleep for another 30 mins, then got up, had a shower and left.

WHAT? WHATTTTT????

I saw him to the door and we had some non-commital talk about meeting up again soon etc etc and then with the closing of the door...so ended my ever-so-brief "relationship" with the second worst lover I ever had.

The following weekend I bought a vibrator. Thank GOD!

A side note on personal grooming. I think like most women, I like the way a bit of pubic hair looks like on me. I'm not one for the landing strip, but prefer a bit of a "poof" look with my labia cleanly shaved. When the skin there is so smooth you can't stop touching it yourself...and tongues slipping across feel devine. However, I also like my men to have some grooming habits of their own. Let's face it, no one wants to floss their teeth with pubic hair, so it's nice if they can take some time to trim back the wild growth.

My lover in the above story took this to the EXTREME. He was a pretty hairy guy. This of course means that he had a receeding hairline...I don't know the correlation there but it my experience guys with loads of chest hair (YUM) always seem to be balding. Anyway....he also liked personal grooming...but was entirely HAIRLESS in his nether regions.

This made me feel like I was playing with a snake instead of a penis. Odd. Very strange. The skin was so soft....I felt like I was with a pre-pubecent boy...if it weren't for the wall to wall carpet on his chest.

So that was the case of Bad sex killing the "relationship".

The flip side of this was actually Nelson. The sex with him was PHENOMENAL. Absolutely amazing. This probably has a lot to do with the fact that he was the first partner I had an actual orgasm with...but aside from the Big O the entire sexual arena with Nelson was amazing!
However...he couldn't share his feelings. Couldn't communicate well with me OUTSIDE the bedroom and I never once in 4 months got to meet any of his friends. I felt more like his dirty little secret whore than his girlfriend.

So despite the wonderful, mind blowing sex...that relationship was doomed.


Has Sex Talk been done to death? With all the Sex & The City and Bridget Jones' of the world out there has the horse finally died? Not a chance.

Though I am curious...where are all the men out there who opine about sex? Are they all editing porn mags, Details, Maxim or Men's Health? Surely there must be a Bernard Jones out there somewhere! A really laid back, kinda goofy guy with a wicked sense of humour and a romantic streak the size of a 6 lane highway.

Bernard Jones....where are you??? Please send dating resume and sexual proficiency scores to:
Kwerkie Kuuper
c/o TheSingleFiles@blogspot.com