I went to one of the BEST parties on the weekend. My "friend" Giermo (happy?) turned 35 on Friday and hosted what will be a very memorable party...if only I can remember all of the events that took place!!
I know you are already wondering about the quotations I put around the descriptive qualifier for Giermo and I promise to get to that a bit later. Right now I want to talk theme songs.
Music is a HUGE part of my life and I know this may sound odd - but throughout my day -depending on what I'm doing and what's going on around me- I have different songs that run through my mind. This is how this story is going to be told...with the help of the songs that were a part of my night.
Friday, 22 OCT 4:35PM Theme song "Shopping" Pet Shop Boys - from the album "Actually" released in 1987.
I had been struggling with what to get Giermo for his birthday and had a few really good ideas...but felt pretty unsure of how they would be received. After all, Giermo and I don't really know each other very well. My initial thought was to get him a 2 year subscription to "sub-Terrain" - a Vancouver periodical that publishes local writers - the content is often is often very "gritty" (my word). Have a look and see for yourself.
http://www.subterrain.ca/subterrain/main.htm
Unfortunately, the next one to come out would be in January, and I was unsure how he'd react to a postponed present...no matter how cool I thought it was ;). teehee. My next thought was to get him a CD or DVD. Now...this posed a bit of a problem as I didn't want to buy something that *I* wanted and have it not match his tastes. So I settled...and I hate settling...but I did anyway. I bought a few gift certificates from A&B Sound...that way he can get music or a movie and it will be just what he wanted. I hated the impersonal aspect of it all...it smacked of last minute half hearted gestures...a second thought. Turns out the evening was full of those (wait for it...wait for it)
I felt a bit flat from buying the gift certificates so I decided to take some time and do something that would make me feel better...I continued bobbing my head to the Pet Shop Boys "Shopping" and went to Old Navy. I had been meaning to get some "fun business" clothes for my upcoming conferences in Saskatoon and all over various parts of Alberta. I had a blast...I love that store. I ended up with a pink top, blue argyle-ish skirt, a white top and a very lovely fuzzy blue sweater. My shopping done I walked home and then to the gym where I had a really really hard workout. It had been a while since I had pushed myself that hard and when I left the gym I was feeling a bit sore, absolutely starving and 100% Fab-U-Lous!
Friday, 22 OCT 7:25PM. New Theme Song. "My Love Is Like Whoa" Mya - from the album "Moodring" released in 2003
I planned on getting a wee bit drunk at Giermo's party...so I made a carb heavy dinner hoping that it will aid in soaking up all the alcohol that I was going to consume. Yummm veggie pasta!
After dinner I had a shower, actually spent time styling my hair, and got dressed in my new skirt and pink top. I also choose to wear a pair of very funky tights I had purchased the month before. I applied my make up as usual - subtle and light. I decided on wearing my glasses to complete my school girl look...I wished my hair was longer as I would have worn it in a bun or perhaps pig tails. I felt confident, sexy and ready to meet a lot of new people.
I was aware that the only person I would know would be the Birthday Boy himself...and perhaps his friend Nathan whom he brought to my party -though I hardly exchanged more than 10 words with the fellow. Giermo had already warned me that the party was going to be female dominated but I was secretly hoping to meet a nice guy to flirt with anyway. After a quick phone call to Giermo to reconfirm the address, I hopped a cab and headed over.
I arrived and immediately felt nervous. What was I doing??? I'm about to walk into a room that held a bunch of strangers...most of them women. Now...as I woman, I can accurately say that as a gender...we are pretty "judgy". We criticize other women in particular in order to gain some sort of sense of self worth. It's disgusting jackal behavior and I admit that I am prone to it as well. Surrounded by my own posse...I can be vicious and hilarious simultaneously at the expense of another female that is outside my pack. I start biting my lip - a nervous habit I developed at the age of 6 and haven't been able to kick 24 years later. My lip begins to bleed as I buzz Giermo's apartment. Oh well...deep breath...nothing for it now. Just remember the Theme Song....I''m like WOAH!
I get up to Giermo's apartment and immediately see Nathan. I think my sigh of relief was audible even over the soul full Jazz music that Giermo had going on. Hugs and Kisses and then I see Giermo and then even More hugs and kisses. Giermo is lookin' sharp. I scan the room and it seemed pretty even on the guy vs. girl front but it's obvious that nearly everyone there was a couple. Giermo fixes me a drink and then I move about the room introducing myself.
Fri, Oct 22 9:45PM New Theme Song "Get This Party Started (Remix)- Pink featuring Redman -unsure of the album as it is a re-mix but I believe the year to be 2003.
I sit next to Xander and Erin - Giermo's oldest brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law. I get along very well with Erin and we do the normal small talk. What do you do for work, how long have you been doing that, what part of town do you live in. And then she hits me with the BIG question. "How do know Giermo?". I laugh to stall for time and decide that honesty is going to be my policy for the night.
I told her about how Giermo and I met off of Lavalife back in July, had a few dates but that he decided he just wanted to be friends. Now...this story isn't the entire truth...but none of it is a lie either. This dance of "friendship" between Giermo and I grows even more complicated as the evening wears on.
Soon more people arrive and now I am having a very animated conversation with Erin and Stacie (Stacie is Giermo's younger brother Michael's girlfriend). At one point, Stacei asks me how I know Giermo and I give her the same line I gave Erin. Then the 2 of them turn to each other and talk about me as if I weren't there. How nice I am, how funny, how I'd be perfect for Giermo and what was his problem anyway??. This made me feel both good and uncomfortable at the same time. Yes I am a beautiful, intelligent woman with a wicked sense of humour who would be a great catch for any guy(yes yes...but this is MY blog and I can be as egotistical as I want to), but at the same time...did I want to pursue something more with Giermo and am I doing him any favours by telling his friends and loved ones how we met and how it was his decision to place me in the Friend category? I was already on my 3rd drink and I still had no answers.
I move around the party and end up having a great conversation with Giermo's mum Shelly. What a quirky lady. I think she is very similar to my own Mum and I immediately like her. At one point in the evening we were talking and I interrupted her (yes...I know it is rude) and she said "Shhhh dear" to me. That only made me like her even MORE!. teehee.
Scads more people arrive and I meet Giermo by the fridge to refill my drink. He offers me a special drink...one he'd like to prepare especially for me. I am smiling from ear to ear and I believe that Giermo is actually flirting with me. "How odd" I thought. I ask Giermo which woman at the party is the chicky he is pursuing. He points her out and I am taken aback by her quiet beauty. Yikes. I am convinced now that Giermo was only being a friendly drunk with me and that clearly I do not fit his tastes in women. Still, I was having too good of a time to let something like that bother me. Besides...Giermo wants to be my friend and I shouldn't be wanting to kiss my friends.
I thought that if I spoke to Grace (the woman) that I could absorb some of her grace. I know that sounds silly...but I was working on my 5th drink here, and I am aware that I am a lot of things...but graceful isn't one of them. I squeeze my way to her circle of friends and we begin chatting. I started to sense some tension between Grace and I and I found it more and more difficult to look her in the eye. What was going on? I don't think I was in any way rude, I was asking questions, interested in what she and Patsy had to say....yet I couldn't help but feel this wall of ice developing between her and I. I grew more and more uncomfortable and decided to excuse myself off to the bathroom.
In the quiet and darkness of the bathroom ( I didn't turn the light on...just went with the candles burning) I had an epiphany. Perhaps Giermo had mentioned me to her in some way and she was feeling a bit insecure...though for what reason I had no idea of. I made a mental note not to flirt with Giermo for the rest of the party.
I emerged refreshed and renewed from the loo and so off I went to mingle. I chat extensively with a Tom Cruise look-alike (though to be fair, I believe that Kieth is much better looking than Tom Cruise...I'm not the biggest Tom fan), a fellow named Joe, a guy named Tim and a woman who's name I never did catch. I regale them with my Justin Timberlake story and there is much laughing. I spy Nathan by himself so I go over and have a wee chat with him.
I want to be clear here-Nate has a unique look and is an attractive man, but I'm not actually attracted TO him. I am, however, attracted to Nate's's use of words. I wanted to close my eyes and have him just speak softly into my ear. We started talking about Shakespeare and I am fully aware that a) I'm very drunk, b) I'm flirting with Nate outrageously just so he would continue to speak to me and c) Giermo and Grace are out on the balcony and they are having what looks to be an uncomfortable conversation.
Time passes in a blur of laughter and drinks. I have said my goodbyes to Xander and Michael and had great heartfelt hugs from both Erin and Stacie. Shelly pats my hand and tells me it was nice to meet me. I watch them leave and I wonder if I'll see any of them again.
Ah-but wait! I am not supposed to think like that and flirting with Giermo has already got me into trouble once that night. Right. Mental note - 6th drink or no- no more flirting with Giermo!! We're friends now. Friends don't flirt.
And now here is the background on how Giermo and I became "friends". We met off of Lavalife in July. We had 2 fabulous dates (well - they were for me) but on our 2nd date- Giermo pulls out the fags and starts puffing away. Yikes! A smoker! I was crushed! He's witty. He's smart. He's handsome. He's tall. He's interested in what I have to say and I find him interesting in return.
You know what they say "nothing is worse than a reformed smoker" and I am a total testament to that statement. For the rest of our date I struggled with the knowledge that he smokes. We ended up at his place and I figured that I'd see what a kiss would do to this situation - but alas- Giermo didn't make a move on me at all. There was no opportunity for me to be subtle here.
So, after a while Giermo drove me home and we didn't really talk too much in the car on the way to the "Crack House". I think that both of us were unsure of what we wanted from the other...if anything. I gave him a hug and a hand squeeze and got out of the car.
After that, we basically didn't talk for an entire month in any form...and then one day in October I get an MSN from him informing me that he has a woman with whom he's interested in pursuing a relationship with, but he'd love to be my friend if my "Friendship Card" wasn't too full.
I really like Giermo and his keen wit, so of course I accepted. Besides it's nice to have good looking guy friends. I invited him to my Birthday party and though I didn't get to spend much time talking with him, his company was more than welcome and he was nice eye candy for me at the very least.
Back to the party.
Fri 22 OCT 11:45PM New Theme Song. "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" Cindy Lauper from the album "She's So Unusual" released in 1983.
I'm in the kitchen fixing myself yet another drink when Danielle comes up to me and we start talking about girlie things like hair. Danielle has great hair. Long, very dark -nearly black hair and it's simply gorgeous. I tell her I'm envious of her hair as I recently cut mine short to repel men. She then tells me that I'm so gorgeous that it would take more than just cutting my hair to repel men. She gave me some great advise on how to handle unwanted attention and she gave my ego a serious boost - .like it needed more that night. HA!
She then asks me how I know Giermo. "Once more into the breach" I thought. So I tell her -.but I go too far. I tell her that I was having a difficult time at the party not flirting with him and respecting the fact that he's not interested in me and is instead chasing another woman. Ho Hum. Poor Me. It was the kind of talk that the 7th or 8th drink is made of.
We start to walk back into the living room and we pass by Giermo...I think...I am not sure- my memory is hazy right about now. Something happens and I'm upstairs in Giermo's bedroom with him talking about music. Then the next thing I know - Giermo kisses me.
Here's what went on in my head: WOAH. Nice kiss. Please sir I'd like s'more. (and so we kiss again). Fabulous kisser-nice lips-just the right amount of tongue. Oh oh! Wait a minute. Where's Grace?
And then I pull back. I ask him about Grace. There's some sort of UBIQUITOUS (happy word of the day) answer about "If she were my chicky she'd still be here". And then Giermo asks if he could be bold, to which I replied I thought he had been already - but he continued on and asked me if I would spend the night.
Alarm bells were going off in my head - which was pretty much a miracle considering how many drinks I had with which to drown them out. I stammer out an answer along the lines of "We'll see" and "If I did it's with the full understanding that there wouldn't be any sex" Because really - this is what I am thinking: Grace left and now he's looking for a birthday romp - and I don't want to fill that role. I am NOT the consolation prize, I am NOT second chair and I refuse to let anyone think that of me.
Danielle comes up the stairs and Giermo and I end our awkward silence by filling the air with meaningless chatter with Danni. Giermo goes downstairs and I chat away with Danni while browsing Giermo's cd's. Yes well - then Danielle and I are sitting very close to one another...her hair smells great...she leans in...I'm leaning in...and then we're making out like bandits!
I'm aware that Giermo is likely coming back up the stairs and this makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I'm being caught out doing something I'm not supposed to. But I enjoy kissing Danni -what a different experience it is to kiss a woman. She's soft all over. My hand slides up to her right breast and soon I don't care if Giermo is watching or not.
Eventually I break contact with Danni. We go downstairs. Grace has evidently left and the party is dwindling down...a bit. It's 2AM and there are still 8 people or so there. We're all sitting in a circle and Tim brings out a pipe. Nice! What more could I want from this party? A guy I'm interested in kissed me and expressed interest, and I'm going to ignore the alarm bells for now and pretend it's all honest and good, I got to kiss and feel up a sexy chicky, I'm hammered...and now I'm going to get stoned too! This party ROCKS!
Somehow I end up sitting between Danni and Nate and slightly across from Giermo. Not knowing Giermo very well I have no idea what the look he is giving me from across the room means at all. Danni is trying to convince me to go home with her. I am politely declining. Suddenly everyone wants me in their bed and I am feeling that no one's motives are exactly honest or honorable. Least of all Danni's whom I think intends to share me with Nate. As mentioned before - Nate is an attractive guy -just not for me. And besides...I don't share well.
More time passes and thank god I moved on to juice and water. I don't recall how everyone left or at what time or anything like that. I remember feeling very nervous to be alone with Giermo and I start cleaning up - like some sort of drunk molly maid-madly swerving from living room to kitchen and not really accomplishing much.
We are both as drunk as each other. Giermo mumbles something about me making my intentions well known through out the party. That I am the obvious choice. That I fit in well. That I was a perfect addition to the party. All of these things he is saying and I have no idea what any of it means.
I mention my biggest fear. I do not want to be the consolation prize. I am glad when he agrees that he can see where I would think that, but assures me that it is not the case. His slurred words do little to comfort me. I use his toothbrush, wear his T-shirt and we go to bed.
We make out-there's some fooling around. I am wondering why he's not trying to touch my breasts...or really anywhere. I start to feel cheap. I stop. A few minutes later we're at it again. Then just when I think it's getting interesting...Giermo tells me to stop. I am deflated. I turn over and pass out.
Sat. 23 OCT 9:00AM New Theme Song. "Sunday Morning After" Amanda Marshall from the album "Everybody's Got A Story" released 2001.
The sun is out and the room is bright and I feel ratshit. The alarm goes off and Giermo shuts it off immediately. My god! I can't believe I have to get up. My head is the size of Science World, my mouth is as furry as my cat and I think that I did something awful to my right pinky finger because it hurts almost as much as my head.
I lay in bed with Giermo and we're spooning. I feel a quiet comfort with him. I'm at ease. I didn't want to move but my bladder was insisting that I do. Giermo tells me to get back in bed - I wished it were that simple. I go pee and come back to bed. I crawl into Giermo's arms and I feel good despite feeling like shit.
We chat easily about this and that and about the events of the night before. I think that Giermo is very upset at my kissing Natalie. I start to feel very odd. I remembered then about feeling like second choice. I am conflicted and hurt from how passive Giermo was when we were fooling around. I start to feel unattractive, oafish, clumsy even while lying still. My killer hangover is NOT helping any of this.
We eventually get up, I get dressed in my clothes from the night before. We cuddle on the couch, watch a movie-sometimes holding hands, sometimes not and I am trying to keep my wild thoughts at bay. What is Giermo thinking about me? What have I done here if not told him it's OK to be the consolidation prize -exactly what I said I wasn't the night before.
The end of all of this is the worst part. Not only do I have to do the Walk Of Shame in my clothes from the night before-but Giermo's parting words to me were: "Well...I guess I'll see you on MSN or something. Thanks for coming. Byeee!"
I had intended to take a cab home - but the 45 minute walk (give me a break! I was feeling very physically and emotionally delicate) did me some good. I got home at around 2PM and slept most of the day away. I tried to pretend that the party was just a dream-but at the end of the da-.I had a blast anyway. The good far outweighs the bad.
Sat, 23 OCT 2:35PM. New Theme song. "Wasn't That A Party" The Rovers-from the album "Party Album" released in 1980
And now...now I suspect that Giermo and I will have a chat and I am fully prepared for him to give me the "It's not you it's me" speech. I just hope that he doesn't turn into the Ostrich...that's my trick.
Cheers
Kwerkie
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