I've been going to bed lately asking for sleep but most importantly for peace. For peace of mind and peace in my heart. The crazy emotional roller coaster I've been riding for a month now has pretty much been making me sick.
I talked once more to Jordan and believe it or not...it was a good conversation and I went to bed feeling like this IS getting easier/better/healed. Maybe because it was just an enjoyable conversation or maybe it's because I have made my decision about school and moving back to Vancouver and I am pursuing my dreams...FINALLY.
When asked the usual question "what else do you know" I had a LOT to say. It felt great to be able to tell him that in 4 weeks there has been a lot of change and a lot of progress and it's making me feel like I can get my life moving in exactly the direction I want.
So I've been asking for peace and I feel like at long last I have some. Peace of mind that my decision to go back to school is in fact the right one. Peace that taking the move and working until DEC is also the right one. But most of all I am finding peace in my heart with the fact that my relationship with Jordan is over.
Despite never having reached the full potential that I thought was there I am slowly being able to let it go. The "what might have been's" really can not have any place in my life. I must focus on what is happening now and how I want to run my professional life. I can't tinker around with boys and most especially boys who have not yet become men despite ageing close to their 40's.
I have also noticed that I tend to date 38yr olds and they all seem to be broken. Maybe it's will be wiser to date slightly younger men when my schooling is finished.
1 comment:
I still see no sight of Lance! Hmmm, I remember that character to be quite cool. Just throwing it out there you know? :-p
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