Things don't often go as I plan. I think about things and how I'd like them to turn out and I try to work towards that...but often it just goes so pear shapped.
Ronan and I have had the largest fight of our relationship...though I use that word very loosely.
I can not keep having the same discussions with him over and over again.
I am waiting for my Mum to arrive and take me over to Ronans now where I will be collecting all of my stuff and heading back to my place to cry my eyes out.
The one thing I am focusing on right now is that Love just might not be enough.
I have been complaining about him for a while on here...and despite me talking to him about what it is I need from him to be in a happy relationship...it just doesn't seem to be happening.
This might be the best for us...to end it now and just move on. This sucks. I hate how much this hurts.
*******One week later****
OK...I have been through the emotional wringer as it were.
Ronan and I have fought, cried, yelled, swore and even said some nasty things to each other. We were both bawling like babies...it has been a very hard thing to bear.
The bottom line is this: I actually do love him very much and he loves me...we are trying very hard to make things right.
Back to kittens and puppies...how long will that last?
We talked and talked and talked...so much that I think I was going to go hoarse at one point.
The racist comments - he sees those as blowing off steam and admits that they sound terrible and are mean and nasty and he doesn't know why he says them as he doesn't believe in them.
The homophobia - he admits that he doesn't know any gay people and that the thought of 2 men having sex with each other turns his stomach. I told him that he didn't have to think about the guys being physically intimate with each other but that it is more about accepting people as PEOPLE and not defining them by theis sexuality.
How strange is that concept? To judge someone based on something so private that doesn't even concern you? Odd.
1 comment:
"To judge someone based on something so private that doesn't even concern you? Odd."
Funny, I always get this feeling every time I read this blog. How do I judge Ronan? I don't know the fellow other than what you report here. I know I have been "reported" on here as well and would hate for people to judge me solely on what they may have read. In fact, if I didn't know you personally, my only way of knowing you would be because of the personal information you reveal here – and because I know you I can “read between the lines” with my own “judgment” of you. Sometimes I wonder if what you chose to say on here really is of any "concern" to me. I know this is not being used in the same context as what you are referencing in this post, but it is an interesting turn of phrase nevertheless. When it comes to the intimate relationship between two individuals, what in the end is really any concern of ours? Perhaps we should be concerned about the fact that we do find ourselves judging and condemning based on our brief look into a relationship as it is seen from only one set of eyes. Odd.
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