*sigh* So many fabulous comments and so little backbone from myself. I don't know what makes me sicker...the fact that I am still trying to set things right with Ronan or that I have been neglecting the things that make me happy...like this blog.
I was talking with Giermo last night and I have to agree with his comments from last post that I probably don't put enough details in here to paint the picture as clear as possible.
I also happen to agree with Tinfoiled and Tracey that if we make fun of those around us and say it's not racist/homophobic or how about just plain MEAN that we are fooling ourselves. If we don't draw the line somewhere then how can we tell if we've crossed it?
Here is what I see happening with Ronan and I.
He is less and less intimate with me. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. Physically -I am not sure when it happened, but he has completely forgotten where all my buttons are. Can he really expect me to be turned on just because he's feeling horny? What ever happened to KISSING??? How about a little foreplay??
Emotionally - well...I just don't feel like we are close anymore. I think that we've gotten into this habit of spending every night with each other and it doesn't seem to mean anything anymore. I've mentioned to him that I no longer feel special to him...it is compounded even more if we attempt to have sex and he just seems so distant from me during it. How disturbing to be in a relationship and yet feel so lonely.
This is my 2nd night away from him and I am feeling OK about it. Sure I miss him being in my bed...but I don't miss the distance I feel when in bed with him. He sleeps with his back to me more and more and has even been known to fall asleep on the couch rather than come to bed with me at 11Pm or so.
I am saddened by this whole thing. I honestly felt that Ronan and I were more than just endorphins and fermones. But without emotional intimacy that is all we have...and sometimes not even that.
I have tried talking to him about this on several occasions only to be met with lots of agreement from him and the promise of "change". Ah change...that illusive idea. How much of our personalities will have to change for us to "fit"?
There is a lot of love there between us...but I fear it is just not enough.
Don't fret my lovelies...I am fine and have not lost my laughter or ebuliance. One of my issues right now is that I am trying to figure out if I am deliberately sabotaging things...
I have yet to meet a gay person who speaks with a lisp...how did that ever become a stereotype?? Most of the gay men I know and love you don't really know right away that they ARE gay. The lesbians I know are even LESS obvious...Ok...so I only know 2 lesbians...still!
This post is all over the map here.
I'm tired.
.
Oh...on a COMPLETELY unrelated note. Lady K looks FABULOUS and has renewed my faith in my own pursuit of healthiness. Yeah Lady K!!!
Kwerkie. like that
10 comments:
Aramous here. Seems like things aren't quite what they used to be and I'm sorry to hear about that. I understand the part about the emotional distance. Kind of like the honeymoon is over and now this is the way things are? I don't mean for just one person either. Interesting comment about you wondering about sabotage. I mean I've known both men and women who get out of relationships when the honeymoon is over. Almost like they're addicted to that rush and when that comes to an end in a relationship, they're off in search for it again. Of course this isn't what's going on here, but you have to ask yourself if Ronan is just settling in. I'm a big believer in "Action speaks louder than words" and wonder if he's asked himself "am I happy?"
I see that you're not happy Kwerk, but his actions are also suggesting that he's not either. So you can ask him directly I guess. I want the best for you and maybe this is only a rough patch. My gut tells me different, but as always, I'll support whatever decisions you make. After all, your life is for you to live and learn from, not me. I have enough of my own chinanigans going on. I'll talk with you soon. A
I am blog-surfing a bit... leaving my virtual buttmark on other people's virtual chairs. I actually started out trying to find inspiration for a blog on my planting roses related site, but I'm ending up reading almost everything. This is an entire new wordl... cool. Well, anyway, gotto move on. If you're interested in planting roses - feel free to drop by :-)
Man, it's great to see so many relevant responses to your blog. Forex currency trading and forex trading strategies - how on topic!
I am going to assume that there is some "bug" or "worm" in the system and that all the garbagee I deleted was really not intended to be posted on here. I'll keep the roses one cuz i think it's funny.
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