Tonight I want to talk about Trust. That's right...Trust...with a Capitol T.
I have done something which I would consider a 9 out of 10 on my Trust Factor. I gave Ronan access to some pretty intimate information...it's not really private per se...but it is something that I tend not to share.
I don't know what the ramifications will be....perhaps there will be none or maybe it will be surprisingly liberating. Who knows. Come what may I have done it and there is no turning back now. It's out there.
It's funny...I'm feeling like I did when I first said "fuck" in front of my Mum. My stomach feels giddy...like a thousand butterflies all fluttering about one moment, plummeting like rocks the next. It's out there alright...hanging in the air the same way that large buildings just don't.
I haven't spoken to Ronan since yesterday morning. I never wanted to be one of those women who called their boyfriends every day. How can he miss me if we're always together or talking etc? But here's the funny thing...I actually *do* want to call him. Just a five minute conversation..."hi, how was your day, what will you do on your day off..." that sort of thing. What I'd like is for him to feel the same. I'd like it if he called me.
Now...you know how much I hate the "game" of it all. But to be honest...I believe I'm worth the phone call. Is he working tonight? I have no clue. Is he at home watching TV? Sleeping? Je ne sais pas.
I had a very long day at work, a huge work out and I can't believe my arms are functioning enough for me to type this out.
I should probably just go to bed. I have to be up at 5:30AM to go to the gym.
Come what may...I will Trust Ronan and let a bit more of my guard down.
What guard you ask???? Those of you who know and love me will know....for you others....you'll have to stick around to find out Kwerkie's hidden barriers.
I'll give you one just for fun. I am never more unsure of my body then when I am in the half dressed stage. I am most comfortable totally naked...being half clothed makes me nervous.
Kwerkie - told you ;)
1 comment:
Well the truth is that without trust there is no relationship - or if there is one - it's not a healthy one at all - so good luck with that - you know your fans are routing with you on this........ in a large way. PS.. Winter's rendition of fake orgasm was hilarious - not winter specifically - but the situation that allowed this "occur" - I see that Kwerk surrounds herself with people with the same sense of humor..... damn that was funny.....
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