So things with Ronan and I have been very tumultuous. One minute we are kittens and puppies and the next we are fighting like cats and dogs. It's hard on me and my state of general well being and I hate the emotional yo-yo.
Tonight we were out on a date. On the walk home we are chatting happily about this and that and then...due to unfortunate circumstances and cuisine...I pass gas. This isn't the first time I have let one out in front of Ronan. We have been together for 7 months now and I think I may have farted in front of him less than a dozen times but all in the last month or so.
Ronan DEFINITELY has body issues. He refuses to admit that he has to go to the bathroom for a bowel movement. Instead he tries to disguise it as a 'shower'. This basically means that he runs the shower with very hot water while he takes a shit leaving the bathroom a very hot, sweaty and stinky place. It actually reminds me of this disgusting bathroom I had to use while on a road side stop in
The first time we spent 24 consecutive hours together I had to 'do a #2' at his place. This wasn't something I was particularly comfortable with...but I am human and I know that we ALL pass waste through natural and NORMAL bodily functions. I’m a regular sort of gal…I wasn’t going to hold it and have it all back up.
This was a horrible to Ronan. He could NOT get over that I used his bathroom to "do that!". I'm sorry...I didn't realize that I had to leave his apartment and walk 3 blocks to the nearest public toilet at the Pizza Hut down the street.
He is completely upset that I farted in front of him tonight. I have tried to explain to him that I am HUMAN and not some sort of phreak that just farts at will. Still he is not comforted. In fact...he's extremely upset and claims that I have a considerable lack of respect for him if I could 'do that' in front of him.
Right now...even as I type....he is in my bathroom with the shower running. Does he think that I am THAT stupid to believe that he is having a
I am tired of trying to be someone I am not. I am tired of him thinking that women should never admit to having a bowel movement EVER or worse...fart!!!!
Now I want to be clear here. It’s not like I’m lifting up one leg, aiming my ass a him and letting one rip. It’s not like I’m pining him down and farting on his head, nor it it something I’m pushing out with great force and effort. These are the ones that escape before you can get to the bathroom or just sort of sneak up on you. These are the farts that come from eating spicy foods and rumble around in your tummy causing you pain that you simply must let go. It’s not like I’m PLANNING on farting or doing it on purpose for any reason.
When is it OK to fart in front of your partner? Ever or Never? If I can't be 100% comfortable with someone and experience all the normal bodily functions that occur with my lover WITHOUT them phreaking out...then I don't want to be with that person in a relationship.
Aren't we supposed to accept each other including all our faults and foibles? Doesn't Ronan know that I am human like him? Does he think its "normal" to hide the fact that you need to go to the bathroom??? Or worse...hold it for abnormal amount of time because you are too embarrassed or self conscious to use a public toilet….even to take a pee????
There was all this grandiose talk of getting married and having kids at one point. What does he think happens in the delivery room? Am I to try and pretend that having babies is not a bloody and messy piece of work? 97% of women defecate during delivery. This is not an event that they wish to transpire...it just happens with pushing out a baby. I am sure that if he thinks that the mere passing of intestinal gas is highly inappropriate, disrespectful and indeed SOOOO offensive...then clearly having a baby would be beyond a insult!
The shower is still going and I have just heard the toilet flush....he must be done his 'shower'.
More on stupid fear of natural functions later.
Kwerkie - mad as shit!
6 comments:
good lord! haven't you gotten it yet? YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM AND HE CAN'T CHANGE YOU. Enough already. Let it go.
Have you heard of "cupcaking" someone? That's where you fart in your hand then shove it in another person's face. The smell travels nicely, it's especially good if they have their mouth open at the oppertune time.
I think you need to cupcake him.
Amen and halleluiah to commenters 1 and 2. This guy sounds like one of the most unpleasant people one could ever have the displeasure of meeting, let alone dating! He is freaky! You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of crap! The problems you describe are NOT normal! Dump his ass and move on, lady! We beg you!
Hmm. I vote for the cupcaking.
This isn't normal and not a charming quirk. You'd have to be particularly oblivious to have poop issues at this stage in life, and it is not your responsibility to work around them -- don't start thinking it is.
Sounds like a shitty situation. Dump his sorry ass and make a movement from that crap.
Holy shit! ( oh wait - that's a pun right there!) Poop issues? I mean sure - one might be a little - reluctant to drop a "Poo" bomb in a new girl's washroom - and hey man - if ya gotta go - then by all means- go! - just leave the fan on and close the door behind you - and if you're super freaked about it and have problems dealing - pull your best Jim Carey (Ace Ventura) and loudly exclaim "WHEW ! DON"T GO IN THERE! - Make fun of it... Jeez - even Paris Hilton Poo's. I've decided I have to meet Steph - because I just about SHIT MYSELF laughing at the cupcaking comment......... I 3rd the motion of cupcaking the dork - 'so let it be written - let it be done'....
Man, I'm starting to wonder who's the more bizarre one - him for all his weirdness - or you for keeping him around. Come on Kwerk - you.... deserve better !! -> This is getting to be a shitty buzz.. Besides, I couldn't ever have you two over for wine and such because I'd have to offer him a towel when he walked through the door - you know - in case he needed a SHOWER!...... PEEEEEWWWW!!!!!!
Sounds like you need a bowel movement yourself - to dump the shit..... get it?? Dump the shit? Ya.... (I'm such a geek)
Aramous.......
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