Thursday, November 02, 2006

Sweet & Sour - I'm a phreakin' Meatball!

I’m too nice to the point of being an absolute bitch.

Hey- don’t furrow your brows like that…it makes sense….just think about it.

I am being really nice to Mattais lately. Too nice. Which is why when I go 100% Cold Turkey on him it’s going to seem like some sort of Cybil moment. It’s not…it’s just that I’m too nice and then when I put my foot down…it comes off like I’m a mega bitch. Which will ALL know is just not true…if I’m a mega ANYTHING it’s a Megalomaniac!

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be friends with my exs. It’s too hard…there’s too much demand on my time and I can’t stand it. I need to just start saying NO.

What seems to be my issue here? Why is it that I have to make sure it all comes out roses? Sometimes a relationship dies and it should just be left alone. We’re both great people, but I don’t want to BE with him anymore. I KNOW he’s not the one for me and I refuse to ‘rescue’ him.

When we broke up I initially felt it hard. We talked a LOT. There were still about 4-7 calls per day and we even met for lunch once during the week. Then it was just too easy to fall back into the swing of things…back into meeting for lunch, back into 6-12 calls per day and then back into bed again.

NO NO NO NO NO! ENOUGH.

How will EITHER of us move on if we are still doing EVERYTHING that couples do? I know that most of this is my fault. I’m a phreakin’ push over. I think I need to take a self defense class. If I know I can kick the shit out of someone I think it would be easier for me to just say no. Also, Mattias fed my ego…and my stomach. 18lbs gained since we started dating. No I’m NOT suggesting that he’s a Feeder. But…there was some recreational pharmaceuticals consumed and I ALWAYS get the munchies…for really really bad icky things. Then between work and trying to see him I haven’t been to the gym. MY FAULT I know.

Soooo. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO ENOUGH!

BACK to the gym with me- (hoorah for day 1)

STOPPING the phone calls, texts and other things with Mattias. COLD TURKEY. On to meatballs.

1 comment:

Lady K said...

You are a nutball not a meatball! :)

I'm not even going to comment on sleeping with exes. "Hey Pot, you are lookin' might black, sistah..."